[QUOTE=Doug52392;20464796]This thread...
:v:[/QUOTE]
....is so entertaining!
oh dear god i cringed
I am crying laughing right now. This thread is fantastic.
[editline]10:43PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=Emperor Scorpious II;20461030]That's physically impossible.[/QUOTE]
I have gone a whole week without shitting. I filled the bucket three times
[QUOTE=Livewire123;20455834]Facepunch, I bring you the most serious subject in the world.
Since as early as I can remember I've always hated shitting with my parents upstairs, the thought of sitting there releasing the chocolate hostage whilst your parents are in the other room unintentionally listening to every detail which is happening is simply too weird for me to handle.
This usually results in some slightly larger than normal shit's when I do get the chance to go to the toilet, and believe me when I say I take every oppertunity I can. Unluckily, for the past few days my parents had been upstairs more often than usual, forcing me to continually tame the [B]monster[/B] which was lurking inside of me.
But about 30 minutes ago I had my golden oppertunity, my parents went downstairs to watch TV for a while, so I literally sprinted to the bathroom and my ass hit that rim faster than the speed of sound, little did I know what was about to unfold. It started normal, I just sat there chilling, happy I was about to grace the Earth with this thoughtful presant.
I started pushing, all was going well, I could feel it slowly sliding out my ass with great success, but I started to get a little worried after that because the more which came out the wider and more solid it was becoming, by about halfway I had to lean my body position forwards because sitting upright was just too painfull, and I was beginning to panick. Now, I knew what was coming, I've seen this in movies, so I braced myself, drew a large breath of air and counted to 3.
Facepunch the only way I can describe the next part of this tragic story is literally the word [I]HELL[/I], neverbefore have I felt something so painful, so longlasting and [B]WRONG[/B]. My asshole felt like it was 5ft apart and I was shitting out a steel triangle, it was so painful that It actually [B]knocked the air out of my lungs and made me scream a little[/B], my entire life flashed before my eyes and I thought that this was the end, this was my fate, to be found naked on the toilet with half a shit hanging out of my ass by my parents.
Somehow in this horriffic situation, the overall pain I was feeling made me push so hard that I did manage to release this abomination and I was left there feeling violated, sweating and in agony. After about 5 minutes of contemplating my life and wondering where it all went wrong I stood up and looked down the toilet, it was like staring straight into the face of the devil, I could only see half due to the other side curling down the toilet pipe it was that big.
So now I'm here Facepunch, at my desk, with two pieces of tissue blocking my profusely bleeding ass, I have to change the paper every 10 minutes or so because it isn't stopping either.
Make sure you go for a shit even if the world is watching, I hope none of you have to experience what I just endured.
tl;dr - profusely bleeding asshole due to colossal sized demon shit.[/QUOTE]
This has happened to me so many times it's incredible... and it is literally the worst thing in the world.
A+ Thread.
[QUOTE=Aries;20464755]I hate those shits that seem like they'll take for ever, but only take 5 minutes. When your done though, you've got to wipe for 40 minutes to get rid of it all though.[/QUOTE]
Clay shit.
Power shit owns, just 2-3 wipes
[QUOTE=Emperor Scorpious II;20461030]That's physically impossible.[/QUOTE]
Maybe he was on an all-liquid diet? I wouldn't call it impossible, just...improbable.
You made my day OP, have a funny.
Your ass is fucking [i]bleeding?[/i] That sounds unhealthy.
Looks like you had a rather [B]shit[/B]ty day.
[editline]10:53PM[/editline]
Cheer up buddy, don't be so down in the [B]dump[/B]s.
[B]The Caesarian Dump[/B] - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.
My friend took a shit while we were on a school trip in Munich, Germany. This shit was too wide to go down the toilet. All the toilet paper managed to squeeze by, but this wide ass shit was stuck. The weird thing was, my friend didn't say anything about it. He didn't boast or try to show it to anyone, one of us took a shit next and saw this fat ass piece of feces lodged in there and started laughing. Eventually someone took it out with a torrent of piss 2 days later.
You know when you make me laugh for 10 minutes until I piss myself, I have to congratulate you on being totally fucking awesome.
I take a shit every day.
This made my day.
[QUOTE=KSI;20455843]push harder
OP you win the funny thread of the day.[/QUOTE]
That's how you make your rectum prolapse.
My day has been made.
[QUOTE=johanz;20456875]1+? If you take more than one shit a day, something's wrong.[/QUOTE]
No it isn't, i remember watching a documentary once where it said 'Whether you take 4 shits a day or one shit a week, its perfectly normal'
Personally I take 2 - 3 shits day
they're all pretty small
my friends says he shits only once a week, but it hurts like hell and is huge.
[QUOTE=Edi;20466731]No it isn't, i remember watching a documentary once where it said 'Whether you take 4 shits a day or one shit a week, its perfectly normal'[/QUOTE]
Thats complete and utter bullshit. The human body is supposed to take a shit one to 2 times a day to one to two times every other day. Anything after that is extremely unhealthy.
I once went a month without taking a shit. That didn't end well.
[editline]05:51AM[/editline]
[QUOTE=Kabstract;20461500]I can take a dump in 30 seconds and I make no noise. Maybe don't so much burgers?
[editline]04:45PM[/editline]
No, 1-7 per day is normal as well as one every two days.[/QUOTE]
1-3 per day is the most a normal person can do. 1 a week is the longest most can go.
sticky thread plx
Now you know what jail is like
[QUOTE=NeoTurtle;20467173]Now you know what jail is like[/QUOTE]
Get raped by big black men and poop really big and long shits?
Good god.
This reminded me of that time I shat so big it COULD SIMPLY NOT fit into the drain.
As I fruitlessly tried to plunge, it broke into three balls, still too big to fit.
I had to throw it away.
i once put an egg in my asshole and it broke and it didn't bleed that much stop complaining.
This happened to me once. I passed out on my bed after manually reaching up my ass and pulling the shit out with my hands. I woke up with a turd in my hands.
[QUOTE=NickFury666;20467661]i once put an egg in my asshole and it broke and it didn't bleed that much stop complaining.[/QUOTE]
What
[QUOTE=Livewire123;20455834]
Facepunch the only way I can describe the next part of this tragic story is literally the word [I]HELL[/I], neverbefore have I felt something so painful, so longlasting and [B]WRONG[/B]. My asshole felt like it was 5ft apart and I was shitting out a steel triangle, it was so painful that It actually [B]knocked the air out of my lungs and made me scream a little[/B], my entire life flashed before my eyes and I thought that this was the end, this was my fate, to be found naked on the toilet with half a shit hanging out of my ass by my parents.[/QUOTE]
Oh god this part made me laugh so much
Oh lawd
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