Computer illiterate people who think they know things V7 content: out of stock
5,000 replies, posted
So I got unbanned. Dai's awesome that way.
The worst I can provide for today is that my roommate told me he overheard a conversation the other day:
Guy #1: "Man, I don't get why people would be so stupid as to challenge Google!"
Guy #2: "Yeah, they've been around a long, long time, there's no way they'll sway from their position by these newbies."
#1: The people at Altavista must be dumb to try something like that."
#2: "Yup, those Yahoo guys too."
[QUOTE=gman003-main;26786985]I have no advice for what to do once you've been caught. I can only advise you on how not to be caught.
There's pretty much nothing you can do once you've been caught with your pants down. Really, you might as well say "do you mind?", and finish up - there's nothing you can say that will make things better.
Now, not getting caught is a bit more involved. As with humor, timing is the most important thing. Is there a time when people aren't home? Is there a time when people aren't awake? Is there a time when you know you won't be interrupted? The shower is one spot that would be perfect, if it had 'net access. Taking a dump is a possible option if you're REALLY desperate - if need be, print out some porn for this, then flush it when done.
Second step is recon. Make sure of EVERYTHING. Don't assume people are asleep - check. I have advice on moving silently that can help, but just make sure of everything. Make sure nobody else is around.
Third step is concealment. Do things that will give you a few more seconds of warning. Close doors. Close blinds. If possible, orient everything so you're facing the entrance to whatever room you're in - that way, the screen is facing the other way.
Fourth step is stealth. Fap quietly. Don't moan, or scream, or anything like that. It's completely possible, trust me - I can, and have, fapped while someone was sleeping mere meters away (there was a wall between us, but it was a thin one).
Fifth step is speed. The most vulnerable period is during the actual fap - minimize time spent in this period by making sure you're really aroused before dropping your pants. Watch porn for at least five minutes before exposing. If you're really fapping like a ninja, you can do the rest in under a minute.
Pro tip: don't waste time zipping your pants when panic-halting a fap. It's actually difficult to notice, and even if it is, it's a "ha ha your fly's undone", not "WTF augh!". Likewise, don't worry about situating your briefs - if you get your pants up, nobody can see them anyways.
That's all the advice I have for now.[/QUOTE]
So this is the computer illiteracy thread...
Who faps with their pants down?
And who moans when fapping?
[QUOTE=Surma;26808747]And who moans when fapping?[/QUOTE]
I don't. I was able to fap with my parents in the room :smugdog:
[QUOTE={ABK}AbbySciuto;26789517]I essentially told them off about how freaking dumb they were. Most of them were junior/senior CompSci majors. Feels good to know more than they do.[/QUOTE]
They put CompSci to shame :argh:
That said, there are some retards in my class (first year). The other day one of the people finishing their "introduction to programming" Java assignment got in a pissy:
"Why the FUCK do we have to learn about fucking programming!? I never want to do this shit again! This has no use to my degree!"
I want to know what ~-*[(((COMPUTER SCIENCE)))]*-~ degree scheme he was doing that didn't require some level of programming.
Also, his program wasn't compiling because he'd left out a couple of semicolons. The error message was self-explanatory, it even told him what line it was on. But did he read the message? Nope.
kill him with a keyboard
actually that's two murders ive condoned today, one involving a Panasonic 14-42mm lens.
Not really illiteracy, more like annoyance.
I hate it whenever people are very very [b]very[/b] vague about their computer problems, like "I tried to run steam but it said there was a problem. Can you fix it?"
[editline]19th December 2010[/editline]
Actually, illiteracy probably plays a part in that since half the time I can't even tell if by "run" they mean log in, run, or what have you.
msn is broke so I'm deleting everything
Someone was using one of my school's computer to browse on the internet, then one of the pathetic free scan pop-ups appeared which obviously stated that the computer was infected. He then told the teachers that the computer was infected. The same day, the computer was taken away and has never returned.
Computer illiterate people who think they know things V8: Fappin like a pro!
[QUOTE=codenamecueball;26809939]actually that's two murders ive condoned today, one involving a Panasonic 14-42mm lens.[/QUOTE]
I wanna hear the details about that one, sounds kinky :ohdear:
my friend knows about my hate for superzoom and compact system cameras, so he's going on about my friend who is collecting a Panasonic G10 from Jessops and I said he should kill him with it's 14-42mm lens. Not that kinky.
[QUOTE=Silikone;26810180]Someone was using one of my school's computer to browse on the internet, then one of the pathetic free scan pop-ups appeared which obviously stated that the computer was infected. He then told the teachers that the computer was infected. The same day, the computer was taken away and has never returned.[/QUOTE]
My mom got a phishing email from some random spammer, it stated that she had bought some stuff from a big company and that there was a Problem with her paypal (she doesn't even have a paypal) and that she should "login here!" I told her that it was spam but she didn't believe me even after I googled the company name and discovered that it was either for buying small aircraft or oil drilling equipment AND told her that she didn't have a paypal (she said it might have been my dad's paypal) eventually we got her to settle but she still called her bank and now they're apparently "making an investigation".
*
-iPod touch
-set to complex password
-make password an easy to type series of random letters
-set to erase everything on it if you mess up 3 times
-use an alternate web browser
-if you ever let someone use your iPod watch them like a hawk
-if that someone's finger is anywhere near the photos app icon kick iPod from their hand, lock it tuen throw it into the nearest fireplace. iPods are replaceable, the effect of seeing your terrible fetish heavy bisexual assorted mind scarring porn are not.
So proud to have typed all this on a tiny touchscreen.
this is what Computer Science 1 is for me:
[img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiversity/en/2/2a/Aliceprogramming.jpg[/img]
[img]http://info.scratch.mit.edu/sites/infoscratch.media.mit.edu/files/image/logo2modify.png[/img]
[img]http://home.cc.gatech.edu/dorn/uploads/38/bannerLeft.2.png[/img]
i hate this class, and my other computer class is hated by me as well, primarily because it being the easiest shit ever like "make a photostory about yourself" and "make an animation in jasc animation shop", then random terms that we have to write down.
the exam was so easy: finished 100 questions in 10 minutes
fuck me
oh god not scratch
[QUOTE=Jaehead;26811972]oh god not scratch[/QUOTE]
I know someone who thinks that Scratch is [B]the[/B] best way to make video games.
Oh god, Alice [b]AND[/b] Scratch! Jesus.
I did scratch for a 2 week unit during middle school math
what is that doing in a dedicated computer science course
Hey, at least it's not Klik'n'Play.
klik'n'Play was hilarious
my teacher would always use fruit icons and make noises when he made a space invader clone
[QUOTE=Silikone;26810180]Someone was using one of my school's computer to browse on the internet, then one of the pathetic free scan pop-ups appeared which obviously stated that the computer was infected. He then told the teachers that the computer was infected. The same day, the computer was taken away and has never returned.[/QUOTE]
Happened to me too. Except he ran up to me saying "HELP THE COMPUTER HAS A VIRUS!" I went over and exited out. The teacher told me this has happened to 2 computers, good thing no one clicked the blinking install now button.
This is going to sound like I am lying but I am telling the truth.
This guy tried to tell people that a terabyte is 20,000 gigabytes. I told him he was retarded on the spot but then started talking nonsense about building computers in a desperate attempt to restore his "image"... it was funny because it sounded as if he had never even unscrewed the side panel of a computer before.
What was even better was that he was saying all this to try and look smart in front of some really good looking girls I was talking to about an assignment who were looking at him with pity.
[QUOTE=Mr. Sun;26813857]This is going to sound like I am lying but I am telling the truth.
This guy tried to tell people that a terabyte is 20,000 gigabytes. I told him he was retarded on the spot but then started talking nonsense about building computers in a desperate attempt to restore his "image"... it was funny because it sounded as if he had never even unscrewed the side panel of a computer before.
What was even better was that he was saying all this to try and look smart in front of some really good looking girls I was talking to about an assignment who were looking at him with pity.[/QUOTE]
Either these girls weren't that cute, or you guys are ridiculous thinking that talking about computers is going to impress some girls.
You know how easy my other computer class is? She gives us multiple-choice quizzes sometimes. Course, sounds perfectly normal, but she doesn't do 4 or 5 answer choices.
2 or, in very rare cases, 3. This applied to the exam too.
I'm not sure whether to thank myself or to hit myself for taking this course.
[editline]19th December 2010[/editline]
[QUOTE=howling techie;26812131]I know someone who thinks that Scratch is [B]the[/B] best way to make video games.[/QUOTE]
Scratch community = DeviantArt for "little kids"
[QUOTE=Aurora93;26813975]You know how easy my other computer class is? She gives us multiple-choice quizzes sometimes. Course, sounds perfectly normal, but she doesn't do 4 or 5 answer choices.
2 or, in very rare cases, 3. This applied to the exam too.
I'm not sure whether to thank myself or to hit myself for taking this course.
[editline]19th December 2010[/editline]
Scratch community = DeviantArt for "little kids"[/QUOTE]
My programming teacher in high school once gave us a test. Basic "match the entries in column A with the entries in column B" stuff (so "bubble sort" would match with "slowest", for instance).
It was already sorted. I finished it in five minutes only because I thought he was trying to fake us out or something - I triple-checked each one.
oh my god alice is horrendous for making games
my tech class uses that and here i was thinking that in tech we would be learning about the inner workings of a computer and different operating systems and troubleshooting techniques but no
[QUOTE=wlzshroom;26816828]oh my god alice is horrendous for making games
my tech class uses that and here i was thinking that in tech we would be learning about the inner workings of a computer and different operating systems and troubleshooting techniques but no[/QUOTE]
Same here. All we learn about is Macs and LOL MICROSOFTWORD HOW TO OPEN PDF
Luckly, the teacher lets me diddle around with the website on a MacBook using SandVox. Sandvox is so damn ugly.
[QUOTE=MacTrekkie;26793995]Burbank :frogc00l: What's your Fry's' theme?[/QUOTE]
Our Fry's Tech Support really sucks, doesn't it?
snip im dumb
[QUOTE=LordCrypto;26817129]Our Fry's Tech Support really sucks, doesn't it?[/QUOTE]
It has a tech support!? I thought that was the monkey exhibit!
[QUOTE=01271;26811148]
So proud to have typed all this on a tiny touchscreen.[/QUOTE]
I have written OPs on my phone.
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