[sp]This extends fully to Radio, Op-Ed, Sports and O-TV while Politics and Economy are running stories. Their YouTube channel is a few days late.[/sp]
That's Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries and Polymer Injection Corp. ([url]http://www.yuwanmei.com/[/url] - bizarrely enough, there's also a Twitter account at [url]http://twitter.com/yuwanmei[/url])
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DH5rzvt-fcY[/media]
[img]http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/home/elements/4530/sidebar_china_ad1.png[/img]
Note the use of commas. Massive image of the "new" front page. [sp]holy fuck, they even changed the personals - this is also why they've been quiet quite recently.[/sp]
[media]http://www.cubeupload.com/files/24ea00untitled1.jpg[/media]
From an op-ed from the previous Publisher Emeritus:
[quote=T. Herman Zweibel]As the longtime publisher of this news-paper, it is my duty and unrestrained pleasure to inform you spittle-soaked readers that I have sold The Onion and all of its various holdings to a syndicate of industrious China-men from the deepest heart of the Orient. One of their representatives oozed and crawled from his dank hut to visit me in person at my bedside last week, and make known his superiors' desire to expand their clammy clutch into the Western world. After subjecting me to a good 20 minutes of infernal bowing and other assorted chinky-dinkery, he offered to pay me what I've been assured is an appropriately absurd parcel of riches to take this tiresome publication off my feeble hands for good.
Naturally, I accepted his heathen bargain without the slightest twinge of regret, and why on earth not? When my ancestor Friedrich Siegfried Zweibel founded The Mercantile-Onion in 1756, he did so with the express purpose of fleecing its porridge-brained readers out of as much precious capital as could be wrung from their grubby, desperately toiling fingers, and I say bully and bully again to that. I may be a news-paper-man through and through, but I still have enough sense in my 141-year-old skull to abandon some silly centuries-old loyalty to the periodical page when there are spacious coffers to be stocked.
Oh, how heavenly it shall be to never again hear the ungodly shriek of a printing press, or breathe the insufferable stench of a news-room full of unwashed scribes churning out mindless pap on the subject of photo-play actresses and their adopted African brood. And as far as the whimpering clods who have the temerity to call themselves "readers" are concerned, I do not suppose I shall miss their ilk in the slightest. Why, just imagining their pallid, toothless faces fills me with such colossal rage that at this very moment my nurse-maid is administering to me a near-lethal dose of laudanum just so I may find the composure to reach the end of this missive.
Any-way, I wish you all the best of luck making sense of the dis-jointed drivel contained in this inaugural issue of the Chinese Onion. If the new owner-ship does not suck the very blood from your veins, they'll surely dizzy you into stupefied obedience with their unnatural black Orient arts. Oh, and in accordance with the contractual terms of the buy-out, let me remind you all that Yu Wan Mei Fish Time is the best Fish Time, perfect eating for you and me and so delicious. That is all.鱼[/quote]
As you can see, Yu Wan Mei Fish Time results in unparalleled productivity among lazy fat Americans. That is all. [sp](protip: there's an even better reason to read the scrollers on O-TV now.)[/sp]
Hahaha
Why so many quotes everywhere in the title?
Also, not all Americans are lazy and fat don't group us all together.
Also also, The Onion, I didn't know people actually read that. :(
[quote]"Nothing At All Happens To 28 Tibetan Protesters, Their Families"[/quote]
Hahahahaha
[QUOTE=Squad;16157022]Why so many quotes everywhere in the title?
[/QUOTE]
There are so many quotes in the title because the OP fails to understand proper grammar.
Genius. I love The Onion.
The Onion is awesome. This'll probably prove to be a long running gag, unlike anything we've seen before : D
It's a conspiracy to get more hits on his website. No one had bought it he just made it look that way :o
HAHA, I love The Onion!
[QUOTE=Squad;16157022]Why so many quotes everywhere in the title?
Also, not all Americans are lazy and fat don't group us all together.
Also also, The Onion, I didn't know people actually read that. :([/QUOTE]
I actually have a print subscription, although it cost a mint when shipping internationally.
Funnily enough, you can buy High Quality Yu Wan Mei Fish Products in the store, too.
[media]http://img176.yfrog.com/img176/7489/picture19.png[/media]
[quote]NEW YORK—According to all sources, the People's Republic of China is strong. The nation is united, the military unmatched, the economy vibrant, and the people ever joyful.
Similarly correct sources verified that China has always been triumphant.
In other news, the Chinese government is fair, all-knowing, and wise, propelled by the strength of two billion loyal hands, all pulling together as one under the Great Celestial Bureaucracy high above.
Experts all agreed that there can be no question of this claim, as this claim is the truth.
As of press time, the brute and inexpressive English language could not convey the full magnificence of China, nor its excellence in every arena, nor the protective warmth of the red sun that shines forever on its borders, nor the innumerable glories of its Great Leaders.
New reports also indicate that China will grow stronger yet. 鱼[/quote]
They really just never get unfunny.
[editline]01:04PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=HubmaN V2;16157089]I actually have a print subscription, although it cost a mint when shipping internationally.[/QUOTE]
I pick them up free from newspaper vendors in DC. :)
[QUOTE=HubmaN V2;16157089]I actually have a print subscription, although it cost a mint when shipping internationally.
Funnily enough, you can buy High Quality Yu Wan Mei Fish Products in the store, too.
[media]http://img176.yfrog.com/img176/7489/picture19.png[/media][/QUOTE]
Yui Wan Mei device wot?
[QUOTE=HubmaN V2;16157089]I actually have a print subscription, although it cost a mint when shipping internationally.
Funnily enough, you can buy High Quality Yu Wan Mei Fish Products in the store, too.
[media]http://img176.yfrog.com/img176/7489/picture19.png[/media][/QUOTE]
Miscellaneous tasty paste, awesome.
It's fake. Pronounce the name out loud: "You want me". Hence the SATIRE.
Edit: It's up
[QUOTE=Doug52392;16157179]The site is down now... guess they must have been blocked on China's Great Wall of Fire.[/QUOTE]
No, it's up.
What's the device in the store. 4250 dollars for a non-descriptive electronic equipment?
[QUOTE=IdentityErr;16157163]It's fake. Pronounce the name out loud: "You want me". Hence the SATIRE.[/QUOTE]
I pronounce it as "you and me"
[QUOTE=HubmaN V2;16157089]I actually have a print subscription, although it cost a mint when shipping internationally.
Funnily enough, you can buy High Quality Yu Wan Mei Fish Products in the store, too.
[media]http://img176.yfrog.com/img176/7489/picture19.png[/media][/QUOTE]
gentleman's watch
I want Gel.
[QUOTE=DarkWolf2;16157243]What's the device in the store. 4250 dollars for a non-descriptive electronic equipment?[/QUOTE]
[url]http://www.theonion.com/content/node/93143[/url]
It is obviously another joke.
Proof:
The picture of the merchandise above.
Yu Wan Mei = You want me?
Wait, are you saying that The Onion hasn't really been bought by the Chinese? D:
[QUOTE=DarkWolf2;16157137]Yui Wan Mei device wot?[/QUOTE]
its a doomrouter
Now where will I get all my completely truthful and unbiased good ol' fashion 'merican news?
I wonder what idiot rated me dumb.
Just like when Google bought Youtube.
[editline]07:53PM[/editline]
:cawg:
[QUOTE=IdentityErr;16157163]It's fake. Pronounce the name out loud: "You want me". Hence the SATIRE.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Uberman77883;16159180]It is obviously another joke.
Proof:
The picture of the merchandise above.
Yu Wan Mei = You want me?[/QUOTE]
Thank you General Buzzkill and Captain Obvious. If we need your assistance in another thread feel free to post your opinion, as clearly no one is as smart as you two.
"American children like me are lazy and insolent and must try harder."
Hahaha
Reminds me of the Sexy New Brak Show.
[url]http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=8a25c39219c29ec60119c41d9b520006[/url]
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