Dude gets a vibrating dildo stuck up his ass and tweets his trip to the ER
56 replies, posted
imagine this, you go home to your kids, they ask you "What did you do at work today?", "well kids i shoved my fist up somebodies ass and pulled out a vibrating dildo.".
Attention seeker
[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;39849242]Of all the household objects to shove up his ass he chose a [I]GLASS[/I] ketchup bottle?
That guy's pretty hardcore[/QUOTE]
I suspect YOLO is involved here. I imagine he was sitting there looking at his trusty(and crusty) buttplug and he knew there was no thrill to be found there tonight. Then he looked at this slightly intimidating glass bottle that presented all the danger assplay could offer. His path was clear.
I've seen men and women who swear blind they don't know how that broom handle got stuck up there
You see all manner of excuses for these things. I'm surprised this guy was so forward about it.
[QUOTE=Hardpoint Nomad;39849137]How do you get a dildo stuck in your ass? Did he try pooping it out?[/QUOTE]
its easier than it looks
[QUOTE=Brt5470;39849297]It's relatively easy. That's why buttplugs and dildos meant for anal use have stoppers so they can't go too far in.[/QUOTE]
i learned something new today :v:
Yeah, this kind of thing is surprisingly common. The same goes for serious sexual injuries, most people just keep quiet about it though (for obvious reasons).
"You tore a hole in your [I]what[/I]? By doing [I]what[/I]? With [I][U]what[/U][/I]?"
"Your [I]what[/I] fell out? After doing [I][U]what[/U][/I]?"
"My son/daughter died doing [B][I][U]what[/U][/I][/B]?"
One of the above is based on an incident I actually had the... pleasure of being in involved in personally, and another is based on an anecdote I was told as a child, still better than the suicide and motorcycle stories though. Friggin medical families.
[QUOTE=Blazyd;39849269]Imagine if the glass bottle broke inside his anus and the glass shards made his butt bleed and ketchup mixed with bloody glass came out[/QUOTE]
I could be wrong, but I think this actually did happen to someone a while ago :pwn:
[QUOTE=Aphtonites;39852140]I could be wrong, but I think this actually did happen to someone a while ago :pwn:[/QUOTE]
There was a shock site that was pictures of something like that.
EDIT: Ugh, photographic memory, why do you hate me?
[QUOTE=Blazyd;39849269]Imagine if the glass bottle broke inside his anus and the glass shards made his butt bleed and ketchup mixed with bloody glass came out[/QUOTE]
IIRC there was actually a video on the internet of a guy doing that.
I won't speak any more of this.
Ouch.
Reminds me of that article last year which was about people sticking different stuffs into their bodies.
Hey, It's Jack Frost!
[QUOTE=proch;39852213]IIRC there was actually a video on the internet of a guy doing that.
I won't speak any more of this.[/QUOTE]
1guy1jar
I can't imagine the embarrassment if this persons friends find out about it, he will probably never hear the end of it.
edit: Imagine if he was listening to Push It To The Limit when it happened. The irony would be off the scale.
Damn, it'd be pretty swell to have a vibrator.
[video=youtube;FaLcsKyGWpc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=FaLcsKyGWpc#t=144s[/video]
Fucking media tags man
He posted his story on reddit. Didn't laugh this hard in a long time.
[quote]Funny story, this happened to me once.
When I was a wee boy and I was living in British Columbia with a foster family, I was getting 'urges'. I had been looking for new ways to masturbate but let's be honest here fellas, I wanted something in my ass. For some unholy reason, I had told the girl who was my age about this and she told her mother. Her mother then went out and bought me a small blue bullet (with a tiny rope to make sure you could pull it out) and a big pink behemoth that spun around like the devil and had spikes.
She also gave me a big bottle, and I mean big, of KY lube. Now one night, when it was quiet and I was alone, I thought "Fuck it." I went to just ram the big spinning devil up my arse but it was a fair size and my butt wouldn't take it. Instead I thought "Let's work up to it with this little bullet." So I popped the bullet in, wrapped the rope around my finger, and started working it. It was vibrating away and felt quite good. Hit my prostate more than once. That felt amazing.
However something went awry. The bullet slipped away and the little rope broke. Now I've got this blue bullet in my ass and I can't seem to get it out. I tried putting in two fingers, to a both ecstatic and painful end, and pulling it out but that was fucking impossible. It was still vibrating, knocking around inside my ass.
I froze. I'm sitting on the bed, my fingers and dick covered in lube, and I'm staring at the wall in what must have looked like pure shock. I tried everything to get this bastard out. I tried squatting and trying to crap it out, I tried deep breathing and relaxation. After 2 hours of having this thing stuck in my ass I started to panic. I started getting dressed to go talk to my foster parents.
After getting my boxer-briefs on I went to pull up my jeans and the bullet tipped and landed directly against my prostate. My face immediately went like this and I slumped against the wall. This thing was bouncing off of my prostate and it was getting hard to control myself. I wanted to get it out but I didn't want to move.
I'm trying to stabilize myself but this thing keeps knocking away at my prostate and I fucking explode. Undies are utterly soaked in one of the biggest loads I've ever blown. I'm still making the Janeway twitchy face but now I'm moaning like a wildebeast. I'm not a loud guy but holy fuck, the noises I made. Foster mother hears me and knocks on the door, asking if everything is alright. I straighten up too quickly and I get "Yeah, every..." out before I get dizzy and fall back onto the floor.
She opens the door to get an image of me laying on my back, dick trying its best to rip a hole in the fabric, fabric that is soaked with countless potential children, most of which are now running down my legs and making strange patterns as they creep around my leg hair. I'm on my back, and she goes "Oh my god!" and I try to scream at her to get out but all that comes out is "Argghhhnnnhh" as the bullet keeps bouncing around and hitting things that feel quite amazing.
She ends up getting me in a bathrobe, giving me a fresh pair of boxer-briefs that were quite difficult to put on and we leave. I'm wiping my legs off with a paper towel in the car, she's trying to keep a straight face but I can tell the only thing going through her head is "Jesus fucking Christ." We're driving along, the rumble from the car and the bullet, which is still going strong as they were brand new Lithium Energizers (They really do keep going and going and going) and they were showing it. The motor in this poor thing was getting a true work out for the first time.
We go into the ER and she signs the paper work and talks to the triage nurses. I get pushed over to a corner in a wheelchair, this thing STILL going and causing some strong aftershocks. The waves of pleasure that are coming from the vibrating and from the massive load I had blown were too much and I kept making grunting noises. Hopefully, and I do hope, that everyone thought that I was just mentally defunct which I must have looked like.
We get brought back to an Exam Room after an hour (still going but its now been pushed away some how and it's vibrating and I can feel it but it's not doing much for me anymore so some of my mental facilities are coming online. The doc comes in and starts laughing, I start laughing because I have no idea what the fuck to do at this point. He explains that it's common, which made me feel better, and that it wouldn't be an issue.
After about 2 hours (and an x-ray as well) they popped this bad boy out. I can still hear the noise as it landed in the tray and rattled against the tin. The nurse looked at it and all I said was "Twist the base to turn it off".
And that my friends, is a detailed account of having a vibrating bullet pulled out of your ass by strangers after you blow a load so large that you couldn't think straight for the next 24 hours.[/quote]
[QUOTE=Recco;39855107]He posted his story on reddit. Didn't laugh this hard in a long time.
-big ass story-[/QUOTE]
Holy fucking shit, I don't know if I should laugh or cry
[QUOTE=InvaderNouga;39849234]Had a guy come in with a glass ketchup bottle up his ass. Said he missed his wife because she was away from the house and they used to do it "together".[/QUOTE]
i remember reading an orderly's report about a guy with a ketchup bottle in his arse. the man's story was that he, and i quote. came back from shopping and realized he'd lost his keys, so he tried to climb the drainpipe, slipped, and fell arse-first onto the sauce bottle.
the orderly's comment on this was "This would be somewhat plausible, if Safeway had sold their tomato ketchup bottles with condoms attached."
[QUOTE=Recco;39855107]He posted his story on reddit. Didn't laugh this hard in a long time.[/QUOTE]
That was one of the best god damn things I've ever read. Link to it?
I need to try that.
This thread is a whole lot of OH MY FUCK WHY
Oh god, he's got a jack frost avatar
"Hee-Ho[I][B]OHHHHHH[/B][/I]"
[QUOTE=Garik;39855611]That was one of the best god damn things I've ever read. Link to it?
I need to try that.[/QUOTE]
[url]http://www.reddit.com/r/gaybros/comments/19y6ge/guy_gets_vibrating_dildo_stuck_in_his_ass_decides/c8sdozb[/url]
[QUOTE=Blazyd;39849269]Imagine if the glass bottle broke inside his anus and the glass shards made his butt bleed and ketchup mixed with bloody glass came out[/QUOTE]
Well there is 1guy1jar... Stay fucking far from it.
[QUOTE=Hardpoint Nomad;39849629]But would it be that hard to push it out like a big vibrating turd? I wouldn't know cause I haven't put anything up my ass
[editline]8th March 2013[/editline]
Why is this so funny[/QUOTE]
Because Dildos
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