Accused Rapist In Letter to Victims: Sorry for the Rape, Hope You're OK
84 replies, posted
[QUOTE=DoctorSalt;42789862]I don't know about that, though; His song is about thinking a girl is into him, and implies she shows that. How he acts on that is the question (and the difference between raping a girl and asking where she stands). It isn't a crime to think a girl is into you.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, and Baby Got Back is a song about Sir Mix-a-Lot's favorite conjunction.
At the very least he shows SOME remorse over his actions.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;42789661]
you can't define a complex human being who has diverse motivations and conceptions as "just a rapist". people do fuck up and cause a lot of damage to other people. if the offender is willing to take responsibility it means that he is more likely to actually understand the damage his actions caused and take an effort to prevent it in the future.[/QUOTE]
he raped 3 women. he knew what he was doing, like every other rapist. it's not new for guilty people to act like they didn't understand what they were doing. I don't care how complex you think he is, he's a rapist and his existence is a disgrace.
[QUOTE=Bruhmis;42790265]he raped 3 women. he knew what he was doing, like every other rapist. it's not new for guilty people to act like they didn't understand what they were doing. I don't care how complex you think he is, he's a rapist and his existence is a disgrace.[/QUOTE]
He may be a rapist but he is still human
[QUOTE=Swamplord;42789831]
[QUOTE]
Two students told campus officers they were sexually attacked by the same man.
The first victim said she invited Sekulic to her FGCU apartment on October 24 to watch a movie. She says shortly after his arrival, Sekulic became aggressive and demanded sex.
She says she refused -- but Sekulic removed her clothing and raped her twice.
The next victim said she and Sekulic were in her student apartment on October 28 when he started messing with her iPad.
She says when she told Sekulic to leave, he grabbed her, bit her on the shoulder and threw her on the bed, pinning her down. The victim was able to break free and Sekulic then left.
The third woman allegedly attacked by Sekulic invited him to her dorm room on October 30th. Again, Sekulic demanded sex and when the victim said no, he held her down against her will and also raped her twice.
Deputies were able to collect evidence from that scene.
Following an interview with detectives, in which he reportedly failed a polygraph test, and with evidence gathered during the investigation, deputies charged Sekulic with two counts of sexual battery and one count of battery.[/QUOTE]
[/QUOTE]
Wow jesus fucking christ christ how is he even trying to play this off as he thought it was consensual
[editline]7th November 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=person11;42789099]People get all riled up when I say teaching consent is one of the solutions to the high rate of rape we have in this country. "oh let's tell murderers to stop murdering then duhhhhhh"
This case clearly shows what happens when people do not understand consent.[/QUOTE]
I'm sure that teaching people about how wrong rape is will massively reduce the rate of it but at the same time I'm sure plenty of rapists know it's wrong but still do it anyway. Like in the case of the steubenville douches that said something along the lines of
"man that's somebody's daughter dude"
"yeah but it isn't mine"
[QUOTE=Bruhmis;42790265]he raped 3 women. he knew what he was doing, like every other rapist. it's not new for guilty people to act like they didn't understand what they were doing. I don't care how complex you think he is, he's a rapist and his existence is a disgrace.[/QUOTE]
if we(as a society) think his existence is a disgrace, we will act like that person's existence is a disgrace. that serves no justice to the victim and does not hold the offender responsible.
[editline]7th November 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Elspin;42790325]Wow jesus fucking christ christ how is he even trying to play this off as he thought it was consensual[/QUOTE]
maybe he thought it was. a lot of offenders don't realize how their actions hurt others. their understanding of consent is warped. there are a lot of reasons for this from trauma to culture to just plain bad luck.
i think one of the mistakes we make as a society is thinking that the people who do bad things are just bad people who know their actions are wrong. some people do know their actions are wrong and act on impulse, others lack an understanding of what wrong is. that's why i say you shouldn't dehumanize offenders. people have complex motivations for their actions and we need to understand those motivations so we can address them.
[quote]I'm sure that teaching people about how wrong rape is will massively reduce the rate of it but at the same time I'm sure plenty of rapists know it's wrong but still do it anyway. Like in the case of the steubenville douches that said something along the lines of
"man that's somebody's daughter dude"
"yeah but it isn't mine"[/quote]
the idea isn't teaching people that rape is wrong. there is evidence to suggest that even people who have committed rape believe rape is wrong but that they didn't rape someone. that's why teaching the concept of consent is necessary.
[QUOTE=SIRIUS;42790305]He may be a rapist but he is still human[/QUOTE]
your species doesn't excuse you for your crimes. if you think that humans are somehow above other living creatures then you should realize that whatever it is that makes us superior in your eyes doesn't exist in this person, or any person who's willing to do what he did.
A huge part of what's wrong isn't the victim, but the way they're portrayed. They have the words stuck in their mouth saying, "This is something someone will never get over. They are permanently scarred." Yeah, they will be if you keep fucking talking like that.
It's contradictory, and patronizing to say, "You're so strong, you can get through this!" while saying, "They are permanently scarred and have been victimized, they were the weak ones in the situation and could do nothing about it." You have instantly created the impression that it's never going to heal. That it's a situation that is so horrific, they're SUPPOSED to feel victimized. You haven't helped the healing process, nor have you created a mentally stable image in which the victim can safely refer to, to tell themselves they'll be okay.
It's an illusion to think that you'll never heal from it, but some people don't. But by telling the media, families, and the victims that they're essentially not allowed to recover, that it's a marking of what's happened to you, is disgraceful. I see it in every rape post, about how someone speaks for the victim and says, "They'll never recover from this, they've been permanently scarred and it will be a reminder for what you did to them that day." It's not productive, it's not a cry for help, it is an objectified statement to create drama. My friend was raped, and I've helped her over the past 3 years. Instead of saying, "You're right, what he did to you will stay with you forever. Keep that with you as a reminder." I said things like, "You've been through something horrible, but time will heal it. You need to try your hardest everyday to let go through this incident, because you're strong enough to get through it."
[QUOTE=Bruhmis;42790624]your species doesn't excuse you for your crimes. if you think that humans are somehow above other living creatures then you should realize that whatever it is that makes us superior in your eyes doesn't exist in this person, or any person who's willing to do what he did.[/QUOTE]
so he's not responsible for his actions, he's just not human?
[QUOTE=rovar;42790674]A huge part of what's wrong isn't the victim, but the way they're portrayed. They have the words stuck in their mouth saying, "This is something someone will never get over. They are permanently scarred." Yeah, they will be if you keep fucking talking like that.
It's contradictory, and patronizing to say, "You're so strong, you can get through this!" while saying, "They are permanently scarred and have been victimized, they were the weak ones in the situation and could do nothing about it." You have instantly created the impression that it's never going to heal. That it's a situation that is so horrific, they're SUPPOSED to feel victimized. You haven't helped the healing process, nor have you created a mentally stable image in which the victim can safely refer to, to tell themselves they'll be okay.
It's an illusion to think that you'll never heal from it, but some people don't. But by telling the media, families, and the victims that they're essentially not allowed to recover, that it's a marking of what's happened to you, is disgraceful. I see it in every rape post, about how someone speaks for the victim and says, "They'll never recover from this, they've been permanently scarred and it will be a reminder for what you did to them that day." It's not productive, it's not a cry for help, it is an objectified statement to create drama. My friend was raped, and I've helped her over the past 3 years. Instead of saying, "You're right, what he did to you will stay with you forever. Keep that with you as a reminder." I said things like, "You've been through something horrible, but time will heal it. You need to try your hardest everyday to let go through this incident, because you're strong enough to get through it."[/QUOTE]
I agree with this for the most part. For some reason it's disgusting how the media and others will almost parade these victims around as some sort of physical "point" to assert their own personal agenda/ideas.
Rape is an awful thing; but it's not unrecoverable. Each human being is different and will respond to traumatic situations differently. But like you said, it's almost as if the media and such intentionally make them seem powerless, weak, and other wise the shells of once lively happy individuals torn apart physically and emotionally by rape.
This is sort of like going to a funeral and persistently asking, "Who died?" while obnoxiously informing everyone that you really didn't know the person.
[QUOTE=Bredirish123;42790761]I agree with this for the most part. For some reason it's disgusting how the media and others will almost parade these victims around as some sort of physical "point" to assert their own personal agenda/ideas.
Rape is an awful thing; but it's not unrecoverable. Each human being is different and will respond to traumatic situations differently. But like you said, it's almost as if the media and such intentionally make them see powerless, weak, and other wise the shells of once lively happy individuals torn apart physically and emotionally by rape.
This is sort of like going to a funeral and persistently asking, "Who died?" while obnoxiously informing everyone that you really didn't know the person.[/QUOTE]
it's because we all want to be perceived as being sensitive and compassionate towards victims without fully understanding what that means. that doesn't mean that we just give them sympathy, or that we treat them as if they will be damaged goods for the rest of their life. we need to provide the resources necessary to help them restore what was lost. we also need to fight the underlying contributing factors to rape.
but it's so much easier to just talk about how damaged people are by rape and dehumanize the rapist rather than create a sense of collective responsibility for addressing rape.
Uh, well personally I'd rather err on the side of exaggerating the trauma than downplaying it.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;42790819]it's because we all want to be perceived as being sensitive and compassionate towards victims without fully understanding what that means. that doesn't mean that we just give them sympathy, or that we treat them as if they will be damaged goods for the rest of their life. we need to provide the resources necessary to help them restore what was lost. we also need to fight the underlying contributing factors to rape.
but it's so much easier to just talk about how damaged people are by rape and dehumanize the rapist rather than create a sense of collective responsibility for addressing rape.[/QUOTE]
I agree; and I honestly don't see what Jeep-eep disagrees with me since we share essentially the same view; you just worded the point better. Instead of writing off a rape victim as "broken" by trauma the proper facilities and mental health resources should be made available. Hell; it's not just the rape that is terrifying, it's also the unwanted attention a victim receives once they report it. I mean, imagine being raped and then almost immediately being poked and prodded by medical doctors, investigators, etc. It would be awful. Especially knowing that you then may have to face the person who caused all of that pain in court.
[QUOTE=Lurklet;42788779]"You invited me over, I took that as a sign that you wanted to have sex."
"I did not think that you wanted me to stop and I kept going."
sad if true
poor guy, this happens way too often. now he'll be a sex offender[/QUOTE]
the bank door was open I thought this meant I could just take all the money
I did not think that they wanted me to stop taking the money but I just kept going
[QUOTE=yawmwen;42790711]so he's not responsible for his actions, he's just not human?[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Bruhmis;42790624][B]your species doesn't excuse you for your crimes.[/B][/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Mingebox;42790843]Uh, well personally I'd rather err on the side of exaggerating the trauma than downplaying it.[/QUOTE]
you don't have to do either. let the willing survivors/victims speak for themselves. there is no way you can accurately speak on the pain and trauma of an event you have never experienced, you can only imagine.
our job is support and you can't support people without realizing that they are unique individuals who have had unique experiences that have had unique impacts on their life.
[editline]7th November 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Bruhmis;42791040]asd[/QUOTE]
you say that but then spent the rest of the post excusing his crimes.
[editline]7th November 2013[/editline]
i mean how the fuck do you expect someone who is "non-human" to act? do you really expect someone who isn't human to do human things(like not rape)?
What part of "You invited me over to your house." implies, "Come have sex with me."
I honestly don't understand how that connection was at all made.
[QUOTE=draugur;42791105]What part of "You invited me over to your house." implies, "Come have sex with me."
I honestly don't understand how that connection was at all made.[/QUOTE]
You'd be surprised at how many people could draw conclusions from even the most harmless of flirting.
I have a friend who's like this to some degree. No, I don't think he's going to rape anyone anytime soon; however; I do find it amazing some of the "connections" he draws to fit his assumptions. Some people assume that when a woman specifically invites you to their place alone it's a subtle hint that they're interested. It doesn't give anyone the right to assume they are seeking sex, but I can see where someone may draw those conclusions.
Hell, I've been in a situation in the past where a girl had been entirely interested in me; we both hit it off and were having a great time together; then we started fooling around and I wasn't getting the same reciprocative vibes. It just happened that she wasn't in the mood due to a falling out with a friend she had. So I respectively stopped and instead talked to her about what was going on. Even though she wasn't actively stopping me before, it was scathing on a dangerous line that could have been considered rape.
Well the thing i'm not getting is she invited him over and decided he wanted to have sex.. did he force them in the bed like.. fighting? or did things eventually lead up to possible sex but she decided to keep going but didn't want it? I don't understand, if she didn't want it and there wasn't a fight over it.. how is it "rape". The guy shouldn't go to prison because she didn't say anything but kept going. But if the case is he fought her and made her get naked+fuck etc. Than fuck him, but again if it's another one of those "I kinda didn't want it, i let things continue though" than fuck her.
If he's only accused, isn't this almost like admitting it?
[QUOTE=Episode;42791898]Well the thing i'm not getting is she invited him over and decided he wanted to have sex.. did he force them in the bed like.. fighting? or did things eventually lead up to possible sex but she decided to keep going but didn't want it? I don't understand, if she didn't want it and there wasn't a fight over it.. how is it "rape". The guy shouldn't go to prison because she didn't say anything but kept going. But if the case is he fought her and made her get naked+fuck etc. Than fuck him, but again if it's another one of those "I kinda didn't want it, i let things continue though" than fuck her.[/QUOTE]
Read the thread, the victim's statements said they asked him to leave and he forced them. Guilty until proven innocent and all that but assuming the victim's testimonies are true it was definitely rape and not a misunderstanding.
I'm having mixed emotions here
A.) Cool, look at this guy taking responsibility of his reactions
but then
B.) Wow this guy's a dick and raped two women twice, with a shoulder bite in the middle.
[QUOTE=yawmwen;42791049]you don't have to do either. let the willing survivors/victims speak for themselves. there is no way you can accurately speak on the pain and trauma of an event you have never experienced, you can only imagine.
our job is support and you can't support people without realizing that they are unique individuals who have had unique experiences that have had unique impacts on their life.
[editline]7th November 2013[/editline]
you say that but then spent the rest of the post excusing his crimes.
[editline]7th November 2013[/editline]
i mean how the fuck do you expect someone who is "non-human" to act? do you really expect someone who isn't human to do human things(like not rape)?[/QUOTE]
I'm going to have to assume english isn't your first language, or you've been up for 6 days without sleep.
[QUOTE=Bruhmis;42790624]your species doesn't excuse you for your crimes. if you think that humans are somehow above other living creatures then you should realize that whatever it is that makes us superior in your eyes doesn't exist in this person, or any person who's willing to do what he did.[/QUOTE]
I'm saying the same things that drove him to do what he did would do the same to you
[QUOTE=Bruhmis;42790624]your species doesn't excuse you for your crimes. if you think that humans are somehow above other living creatures then you should realize that whatever it is that makes us superior in your eyes doesn't exist in this person, or any person who's willing to do what he did.[/QUOTE]
Isn't the fact that we as humans are more civilized than other living creatures the main reason we frown upon rape in the first place? Rape happens among animals all the time and we don't do shit about that and animals don't hold lower opinions of each other for it, the reason we don't accept rape is because we're more civilized than acting on raw animal instinct.
"we don't need to teach people not to rape lol, everyone knows rape is wrong"
To anyone who says that:
[QUOTE=Episode;42791898]Well the thing i'm not getting is she invited him over and decided he wanted to have sex.. did he force them in the bed like.. fighting? or did things eventually lead up to possible sex but she decided to keep going but didn't want it? I don't understand, if she didn't want it and there wasn't a fight over it.. how is it "rape". The guy shouldn't go to prison because she didn't say anything but kept going. But if the case is he fought her and made her get naked+fuck etc. Than fuck him, but again if it's another one of those "I kinda didn't want it, i let things continue though" than fuck her.[/QUOTE]
The point isn't to teach that rape is wrong, but to teach what rape is.
There are ways to withdraw or deny consent through body language and without saying the word 'no'.
And not all rape is violent.
[b]ACCUSED, NOT CONVICTED[/b]
[QUOTE=Lurklet;42788779]"You invited me over, I took that as a sign that you wanted to have sex."
"I did not think that you wanted me to stop and I kept going."
sad if true
poor guy, this happens way too often. now he'll be a sex offender[/QUOTE]
ok nvm I'm dumb sorry
[QUOTE=Simski;42793031]Isn't the fact that we as humans are more civilized than other living creatures the main reason we frown upon rape in the first place? Rape happens among animals all the time and we don't do shit about that and animals don't hold lower opinions of each other for it, the reason we don't accept rape is because we're more civilized than acting on raw animal instinct.[/QUOTE]
it isn't our level of civilization that makes rape disgusting to humans. even humans in the wild would oppose rape. sex serves a secondary function besides reproduction to humans. partners need semi-monogamous(or temporarily monogamous) relationships because human children take an absurd amount of time to mature. sex helps partners bond and form a longer lasting relationship. that means rape goes against our idea of what sexuality means.
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