13-Year-Old Girl Dies By Suicide After Dad Shares Public Shaming Video
255 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893617]Yeah, I did. I have a steady job, I've had healthy relationships, I own a house, and I have a cute little beagle mix dog named Malcolm that I love very much.[/QUOTE]
I don't think you have any of these things
[QUOTE=Coyoteze;47893634]You're also victim-blaming a child who was not only bullied in real life but evidently so in her own home as well.
So, no, you didn't.[/QUOTE]
I'm not victim-blaming the goddamn kid, I'm saying we can't blame the father for her choice to kill herself when we only know a tiny fraction of the story! You're putting words in my mouth at this point. Nowhere in any of my posts did I say anything remotely akin to "it's the girls fault she shouldn't have been out drinking/fucking/shooting up if she hadn't been she'd been alive"
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893699]Better that than her father flying into a rage and beating her or withholding food. Better than a lot of possibilities. I never said it was the [i]ideal[/i] method to handle the situation what I said was it's not strictly abuse.[/QUOTE]
Or you know, grounding her or withholding electronics at home?
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893699]Better that than her father flying into a rage and beating her or withholding food. Better than a lot of possibilities. I never said it was the [i]ideal[/i] method to handle the situation what I said was it's not strictly abuse.[/QUOTE]
[URL="http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/10/psychological-abuse.aspx"]Except psychological abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse.[/URL]
Address this, please.
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893699]Better that than her father flying into a rage and beating her or withholding food. Better than a lot of possibilities. I never said it was the [i]ideal[/i] method to handle the situation what I said was it's not strictly abuse.[/QUOTE]
Saying that one form of abuse is better than another form of abuse doesn't change that it's still [I]abuse.[/I]
[QUOTE=Jamsponge;47893647]
If the beagle yaps, do you wash its mouth out with ivory soap?[/QUOTE]
No. He'd probably develop a taste for it and start eating my soap.
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893710][B]I'm not victim-blaming[/B] the goddamn kid, [B]I'm saying we can't blame the father for her choice to kill herself[/B] when we only know a tiny fraction of the story! You're putting words in my mouth at this point. Nowhere in any of my posts did I say anything remotely akin to "it's the girls fault she shouldn't have been out drinking/fucking/shooting up if she hadn't been she'd been alive"[/QUOTE]
Except that [I]literally [/I]is victim-blaming.
-snip, not in anyone's best interests-
I was in defense of the guy making his kid destroying his Xbox, however this is too far in my book. Cutting someone's hair is a whole other ball game - your setting them up for an immense amount of harassment from others by defiling their body.
[QUOTE=Populus89;47893700]"It's not 100% his fault she commited suicide after he raped her, she seemed like she was perfectly well fed, well dressed and adjusted before he did this"
This is how you sound.[/QUOTE]
Wow holy shit did you seriously just compare cutting off some of her hair to [i]child rape[/i]?
Call me completely morbid but I'm really curious to what the dad is feeling / thinking. Is there an interview with him anywhere?
[QUOTE=Paramud;47893709]I don't think you have any of these things[/QUOTE]
Good for you.
[QUOTE=Pascall;47893716]Saying that one form of abuse is better than another form of abuse doesn't change that it's still [I]abuse.[/I][/QUOTE]
It's this fucked up mentality people have. "But it's not as bad as x!", " But the y has it worse!", so what? We should just let it go because there are worse forms of abuse? Should the police stop hunting mass murderers because Kim Jong Un is probably responsible for more deaths than all of the murderers in the country pooled together?!
What a bunch of bullcrap this kind of thinking is.
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893710]I'm not victim-blaming the goddamn kid, I'm saying we can't blame the father for her choice to kill herself[/QUOTE]
then who the fuck recorded themselves cutting her hair, uploading the video on the internet to publically shame the girl???????
jesus fuckin christ how are you so dense
[QUOTE=Coyoteze;47893725]Except that [I]literally [/I]is victim-blaming.[/QUOTE]
How the hell is that victim blaming?
Victim blaming would be saying her killing herself is a direct result of her own actions.
Saying we can't 100% blame the father for the act is not victim blaming it's an attempt to excuse a man who lost his fucking daughter and probably feels like utter shit right now, while the lot of you bandwagon on the notion that he needs to go to [i]federal prison[/i] for a misguided attempt at correcting negative behavior in his daughter.
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893738]Wow holy shit did you seriously just compare cutting off some of her hair to [i]child rape[/i]?[/QUOTE]
I compared your line of reasoning to victim blaming often present in rape cases.
"it's not the father's fault that he uploaded the video, guys!!"
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893518]I was spanked on the buttocks with an open palm by my mother (and later father once I got older) when I fucked up. If I swore, they washed my mouth out with ivory soap. If I did something minor that didn't warrant being spanked they'd take away privileges like TV or video games. I know a lot of you are in the same age group as me, and had these same types of punishment. To think any of you seriously believe that this father needs to go to jail for this is astonishing.
[/QUOTE]
I love my parents more than ever, but they took out a belt if i pissed them off badly enough. It didn't discipline me into making better decisions, it made me stay in place in fear of punishment. Last time my mom tried to come at me with a belt i was taller than her and i grabbed it midair and ripped it away from her, and that was probably when i was 13 or 14. Last time i brought it up my parents just said looking back they feel like shit for doing it because they weren't sure how else to deal with it.
Regardless, public shaming is way different from a spanking. One leaves a fear of parental punishment, the other leaves a shameful branding on your forehead for the entire world to see.
If you drive someone to suicide, you shall be tried for murder.
That's my opinion, based on the fact that many cases of people who are driven to suicide are swept under the rug and just called "I didn't know!", which is a poor excuse. Most of the times there are clear signs someone's willing to take their life if something goes wrong, and a parent figure, who is supposed to be someone a child can rely on when things aren't right, you decide to not only neglect this issue but to contribute to it... You aren't a parent, as you clearly lack empathy and communication with your kin.
Also, public shaming is especially heinous considering the volatile nature of the internet. And if someone's already had issues with bullying, then perhaps it should've made it more obvious that deciding to publicly shame such kid on the internet is a perfect recipe for disaster.
This isn't the first time it happened, it won't also be the last time. This happens every day in different areas of the world. Law in most countries poorly judges cases of suicide, without understanding the issue and what causes people to decide to kill themselves. Suicide in most cases is an act of desperation, an act of feeling powerless and unable to change anything for better.
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893757]How the hell is that victim blaming?
Victim blaming would be saying her killing herself is a direct result of her own actions.
Saying we can't 100% blame the father for the act is not victim blaming it's an attempt to excuse a man who lost his fucking daughter and probably feels like utter shit right now, while the lot of you bandwagon on the notion that he needs to go to [i]federal prison[/i] for a misguided attempt at correcting negative behavior in his daughter.[/QUOTE]
It's victim-blaming because you're willing to say the blame cannot be put on her father, when it very well IS her fathers fault for putting his daughter through psychological abuse in the form of public shaming and violating her body without her consent (which by definition is physical abuse as well) at an age where having a "public"/"social" image is very important and can be critical for once psychological health and by extension performance in school and education.
Assuming the father wasn't aware of the bullying already going on at school it does not justify him putting a child through this kind of treatment because "she's doing well in school", in fact this could very well cause any existing bullying to become even worse.
And if he WAS aware of any bullying going on at school it's even worse.
You need to understand the age of the victim here. You really do. Because you're instilling into a thirteen year old girl - barely a few years into the throws of puberty, I imagine - the ability to control her own self worth, confidence, self esteem as well as the ability to deal with the harassment she would've undoubtedly received at school. Especially since middle school can be a brutal environment where newly developed boys and girls are consistently noticing the others around them based on appearance, personality, and attractiveness. These are the years where they start being interested in sex, in how another carries themselves, in dating. Sometimes even earlier.
Regardless of how much hair he did or didn't take off, this father thought it applicable to cut some of his daughter's hair off - hair which she likely held a lot of pride and stock in, as teenage girls often do at this point in their lives - and blatantly put her out into the world, both online and off with this new haircut which was done without her permission or consent as an attempt to punish her via humiliation tactics that are sometimes never recovered from, even by individuals who are well into their 20s and beyond. Well established celebrities in their 40s and 50s can sometimes fall victim to public humiliation and it's capable of breaking even [I]them[/I] down.
So you cannot, with all good conscience, tell me that this girl was not absolutely set up to fail. This father could have done ANY NUMBER of things, good and bad, but the point is, [I]there was an opportunity for him to be in control and HELP his daughter.[/I]
Instead, he chose to humiliate her and treat her as his own personal parenting diary for the sake of the amusement of some friends and family members on social media.
You cannot tell me this is good parenting.
[QUOTE=Limed00d;47893764]"it's not the father's fault that he uploaded the video, guys!!"[/QUOTE]
his hand slipped he wasn't abusive the girl should've just gone and talked to him about it instead of killing herself!!! i trusted my parents when i was 13 i'd tell them my mistakes and that i was getting bullied especially when they're the type of people to publicly shame me on the internet!!
Shitty, abusive parent. Bullied, vulnerable, young girl. Obviously her jumping off a bridge is only partly the dad's fault for opening her up to even more bullying.
It should be [I]common fucking sense[/I] that shaving your kid's hair will open them up to an incredible amount of bullying, especially in fucking middle school. The dad had zero empathy and made awful parenting choices.
My guess is he saw how those other viral videos were where parents would destroy kids laptops, consoles, or whatever and thought the same would apply. But it's a different ball-game when you're not destroying a product you can buy at the store, but actually attacking their physical appearance and sense of self. For some kids that phone or laptop is their connection to the world, but they still have themselves. A parent cutting off their kids hair and basically advertising it like some sort of revenge porn is just too much.
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893757]How the hell is that victim blaming?
Victim blaming would be saying her killing herself is a direct result of her own actions.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893518]Sounds like she, a 13 year old girl, went drinking with friends or possibly even did some drugs. [/QUOTE]
She killed herself because she was punished. You say that the punishment was fair, which means that you think whatever she did was worthy of this punishment.
You are actually saying that her actions alone caused this.
[QUOTE=papaya;47893602]ignoring the horrendous amount of victim blaming, why the fuck would a 13 year old girl go out and do drugs
why would you even think thats a possible option[/QUOTE]
If you are serious
I don't know what country you're from, looks like the UK
You need the BIGGEST reality check.
Like holy crap.
[QUOTE=Paramud;47893801]
You are actually saying that her actions alone caused this.[/QUOTE]
Holy shit dude slow down, this is the definition of putting words into someone's mouth
That being said, I'm not a [I]huge[/I] fan of those videos where parents destroy something of the kid's, be it a game console or phone, but that's another issue entirely I think.
so how many posters in this thread actually have kids because I'm seeing a lot of calls for capital punishment over something small
Nothing what he did was legally wrong. Morally, yes, but I think he has enough on his plate right now without a bunch of keyboard crusaders "OMG HE SHOULD GO TO JAIL AND FEEL SO BAD XYXAHCXHF"
I'm sure he feels awful enough. Focus on the loss of a young life, not how to punish someone who may or may not even be directly responsible. Unless I missed this part in the article I never saw anything about a suicide note directly blaming her father.
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893518]Are you guys serious? This isn't abuse. This is parenting. It's not the father's fault the daughter thought it was necessary to kill herself because he cut off her [i]hair[/i]
Did y'all even watch the little video? Or read the article?
Sounds like she, a 13 year old girl, went drinking with friends or possibly even did some drugs. That's what I typically associate "getting messed up" with. There are a LOT of other ways this could have played out, the father could have whipped her or beat her, he could have ACTUALLY abused her, she could have gotten grievously hurt under the effects of the assumed intoxication.
Cutting off her hair and filming it while letting her know WHY he was doing it is not 'abuse'. Any good barber/stylist can salvage any length of hair to make a girl beautiful.
I was spanked on the buttocks with an open palm by my mother (and later father once I got older) when I fucked up. If I swore, they washed my mouth out with ivory soap. If I did something minor that didn't warrant being spanked they'd take away privileges like TV or video games. I know a lot of you are in the same age group as me, and had these same types of punishment. To think any of you seriously believe that this father needs to go to jail for this is astonishing.
The man just lost his daughter
ease the hell up
[editline]6th June 2015[/editline]
Read the article. "The consequences of getting messed up". That means alcohol or drugs. And no, cutting someone's hair is not "serious shit". He didn't buzz-cut her for christ's sake he just took off the bottom foot or so it looks like. 100% salvageable.[/QUOTE]
Please don't have children before you learn to parent kids.
[QUOTE=itisjuly;47893813]Holy shit dude slow down, this is the definition of putting words into someone's mouth[/QUOTE]
There were only two people directly involved in this. The girl and the father. You can feel bad for the father, and that's okay. He lost a child, and no one ever wants that. But you're an idiot if you think it wasn't his fault that it went this far.
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