13-Year-Old Girl Dies By Suicide After Dad Shares Public Shaming Video
255 replies, posted
[QUOTE=s5300;47894062]Cutting hair isn't abuse. Idiot.[/QUOTE]
Wow, you are quite the -snip that's flaming sorry mods!-
I suffer from severe depression and social anxiety, and I know that if that happened to me I'd probably do the same thing she did. Stop trying to justify your own fucked up childhood and victim blaming a young girl who was driven to kill herself.
[QUOTE=Mingebox;47893574]Yeah, and you turned out just fine didn't you?[/QUOTE]
In fairness I received the same sort of punishment, and turned out just fine.
It was the whole "step-dad grabbing me by the throat and flinging me into a bathtub for getting a C on my report card in 1st grade and having my mouth duct-taped by said step-dad because he was watching TV and I was bothering him" and the like that might've lead to suicidal thoughts later in life, though.
[QUOTE=s5300;47894062]Cutting hair isn't abuse. Idiot.
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Flaming/Rude again" - Swebonny))[/highlight][/QUOTE]
Yeah, it's not abuse.
It's assault.
[url]http://www.quora.com/Is-it-against-the-law-to-cut-someones-hair-against-their-will[/url]
[QUOTE=Pascall;47894077][url]http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Adolescents_Body/[/url]
This is a good reference for information on teenagers and body image.
[editline]6th June 2015[/editline]
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Except it really is under these circumstances.[/QUOTE]
Fun fact, if you cut an adult's hair against their will, it's considered assault, and you could get jail time for it.
[editline]oh hamburgers[/editline]
Well son of a bitch
[QUOTE=Paramud;47894104]Fun fact, if you cut an adult's hair against their will, it's considered assault, and you could get jail time for it.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I would looking for something like that because I was sure I'd read it somewhere? Didn't want to say it without being sure though.
Kudos, Samiam.
Nominated for the worst parent of 2015 award.
And this is why public shaming of your kid is fucking stupid. I knew it was gonna lead to some shit like this eventually.
Hopefully this story prevents future parents from shaming their kids. It is not acceptable.
-snip- those aren't parents my bad
[QUOTE=Pascall;47894038]Literally nobody cares about your weird fascination with punishing children.[/QUOTE]
wait hold up
taking cords (charging cables, hdmi cables) is now abuse?
wtf
[QUOTE=Crash155;47894160]wait hold up
taking cords (charging cables, hdmi cables) is now abuse?
wtf[/QUOTE]
who said that lol
oh nvm
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893518]Sounds like she, a 13 year old girl, went drinking with friends or possibly even did some drugs. That's what I typically associate "getting messed up" with.[/QUOTE]
Let's say this assumption is right. If so, it presents a potential--if poorly thought out--rationale for the actions of the Father; by cutting her hair he might have thought she wouldn't want to go out with friends anymore. If
[quote]“How many times did I warn you?” he asks.
“A lot,” she replies, barely audibly.[/quote]
is accurate, then it's possible the Father didn't know what else to do. As another poster shared:
[QUOTE=Punchy;47893772] Last time i brought it up my parents just said looking back they feel like shit for doing it because they weren't sure how else to deal with it.[/QUOTE]
I can sympathise with this; with not knowing how to address the problem and choosing a bad solution for lack of having any other. What the Father did was clearly wrong, even had the girl not commited suicide, but that, in my mind, does not necessarily make the Father a bad person who simply wished to harm his daughter.
[QUOTE=Van-man;47893983]And yet you support the practices that leads to abusive parenting.
That thing called mental trauma must be unheard to you.
The mind is at its most fragile state during the teenage years.[/QUOTE]
I can agree on this one.
I myself had been bullied psychologically in elementary school by classmates during final two-three years of that school....
No matter how many times my parents went to school nor how many times teacher n' bullies or school principal talk occured nothing changed...
The only thing that school decided to do was lowering self-behaviour marks for bullies which didn't change situation much.
I've skipped school quite often and i still do.
Being forced to attend to school which i'm afraid of, feeling constant fear when thinking of it.
It was awful and still is
That fear of school sticks with me even today. Even though there's no bullies in my class nor in school going on.
I still am feeling strong fear/anxiety on sundays before school, and the moment i'il be going to sleep or waking up to attend school am going to school and sometimes even during lessons.
Thanks to that bullying experience i am weird and twisted in many different ways.
I pretend to be different person in life. I want to cry, I want to tell or beg someone for help with my problems.
But i feel like my family would just reject me. And send me to some kind of specialist or something
I tried to tell my mother once about part of my problems but it ended quite badly. Thankfully she forgot quite fast about things i told her and it was late night that time aswell.
Psychological bullying is really cruel
The bullying times might be later laughted at, joked or forgotten but sadly for me the effects of it still stayed with me
Thankfully it was quite calm in my house at that time
The home was only one place safe for me and sometimes i still feel so.
Being bullied in home aswell at school makes me really feel that i would mentally break
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893617]Yeah, I did. I have a steady job, I've had healthy relationships, I own a house, and I have a cute little beagle mix dog named Malcolm that I love very much.[/QUOTE]
This may be an hour and several pages late but I find it cute you say you turned out just fine but lately you've been posting in another thread about how miserable, depressed and self-loathing you've been feeling.
This child's father is a fucking cock for humiliating his daughter and as a result she committed suicide and you have to go and shit post.
I don't think public shaming is the best way to deal with a kid, I mean they're already super sensitive at younger ages. The humiliation and grief would be so overwhelming for them, their senses would blast into overdrive.
[QUOTE=fudge blood;47894304]I don't think public shaming is the best way to deal with a kid, I mean they're already super sensitive at younger ages. The humiliation and grief would be so overwhelming for them, their senses would blast into overdrive.[/QUOTE]
It's infinitely worse when it involves the internet, something plenty of her classmates have access to. Shit like this can go viral and the resulting social fallout would be on a whole other level, and children can be ruthless little bastards especially when you're stuck with them for 6-8 hours of the day. Her father was a fucking dick and this is not how you raise children.
Suicide is the result of complex psychological problems and strains. What the father did was wrong, but you can't claim he holds 100% of the responsibility. What about the peers who teased the girl at school? There were probably other factors as well.
I find the idea of blaming someone for a suicide inherently flawed. I knew a boy who suffered from depression, and after asking a girl out and being told "no," he attempted suicide. I'm sure none of you would blame the girl in that situation if he had been successful.
Again, what the father did was wrong and it very likely contributed to the girl's suicide, but you can't say he's the one holding all the responsibility for it or equate it to murder.
Abuse, yes. But not murder or manslaughter.
[QUOTE=BlueChihuahua;47894353]Suicide is the result of complex psychological problems and strains. What the father did was wrong, but you can't claim he holds 100% of the responsibility. What about the peers who teased the girl at school? There were probably other factors as well.
I find the idea of blaming someone for a suicide inherently flawed. I knew a boy who suffered from depression, and after asking a girl out and being told "no," he attempted suicide. I'm sure none of you would blame the girl in that situation if he had been successful.
Again, what the father did was wrong and it very likely contributed to the girl's suicide, but you can't say he's the one holding all the responsibility for it or equate it to murder.
Abuse, yes. But not murder or manslaughter.[/QUOTE]
He must've been blind or simply not given a shit about his daughter if he didn't have the feeling something were wrong with her before he decided to go Edward scissorhand on her hair.
That in itself is gross neglect, combined with the abuse/assault the forced haircut is.
[QUOTE=Van-man;47894533]He must've been blind or simply not given a shit about his daughter if he didn't have the feeling something were wrong with her before he decided to go Edward scissorhand on her hair.
That in itself is gross neglect, combined with the abuse/assault the forced haircut is.[/QUOTE]
You shouldn't presume to understand the situation based on a 15 second video.
Furthermore, feeling something is wrong and knowing how to correctly deal with it are two very different things.
I'll say outright that any parent who publicly shames their child as a punishment is a bad parent. Any kid in that age range will be damaged by it. They are not adults and they exist in a very clique driven perception based environment that is already hard to deal with even when well adjusted and supported. Cutting that support off and then doubling down on that to embarrass the kid is bad.
It's the Internet and who knows what goes viral but if shaming your kid does, you're fucking responsible for that
[QUOTE=Talishmar;47893615]Irrelevant. Cutting someone's hair without their consent is violating their body, and if the girl considered it humiliating it was abuse, even much moreso when made public.[/QUOTE]
I don't agree with the public shaming, but the idea that a child has sovereign rights over their physical appearance is ridiculous. If a kid comes home with a mohawk and a nose ring because all the cool kids are doing it it's not [i]abuse[/i] for a parent to intervene.
[QUOTE=The golden;47894867]It doesn't fucking matter what the situation is/was.
What he did to her is not acceptable under any circumstances. Ever. Period. Zip. Nada.
Even if she fucking killed someone that still doesn't justify what he did to her. Two wrongs do not make a right.[/QUOTE]
That's not my point; what the Father did was clearly the wrong action and wasn't what I was replying to.
[quote]He must've been blind or simply not given a shit about his daughter if he didn't have the feeling something were wrong with her before he decided to go Edward scissorhand on her hair.[/quote]
Presumes to completely understand the situation; the series of events that led the Father to take the action he did. Recognizing that what the Father did was wrong and painting him as this terrible Father are two different things; plenty of people do the wrong things for the right reasons. It's impossible (for us) to know what led to this.
[QUOTE=catbarf;47894959]I don't agree with the public shaming, but the idea that a child has sovereign rights over their physical appearance is ridiculous. If a kid comes home with a mohawk and a nose ring because all the cool kids are doing it it's not [i]abuse[/i] for a parent to intervene.[/QUOTE]
True but you're making your kid an outcast.
[QUOTE=papaya;47893893]really? I'm supposed to believe every 13 year old kid out there is up smoking weed and drinking beer and whatever?
sure, some poor, neglected minority may be suffering from it, but it surely can't be common enough to make the leap from "messed up" -> "did drugs". At 13 they're practically kids still. Even at 15 I wouldn't believe anyone but the worst kids would be doing drugs[/QUOTE]
Sorry but what you believe doesn't always match up with reality.
Most people I know who smoked weed around here started at a young age, frequently it's 15 or 16. I started at 13 which isn't something I'm proud of, but I also know scores of people who started at 13. 13 was also when I had my first mixed drink
Most of them, including myself, lived normal household lives.
I was the definition of a goody-twoshoes when I was 13, I didn't even swear, I have a healthy family life, my parents aren't even divorced and they don't approve of drugs or underage drinking. I mean shit... my sister is a straight A college student who's doesn't even drink alcohol or SWEAR at the fucking age of 19. So obviously it's not my parents. I just happened to have no opinion of marijuana so when my cousin decided to be an irresponsible fuck-head and get 13 year old me high I had no objections.
I'm happy I wasn't called out for potential hypocrisy based on my stance in the X-Box thread.
Shame is an important mechanism in teaching children. No, not in creating shame, but causing the child to feel remorse for their actions. My parents taught me to question everything, and to stand for myself, and that my actions are a reflection of who I am. I was taught to not do things I would be ashamed of admitting in front of my parents, and I still use this as a meter for things I do in life.
When you can make your kids feel ashamed in terms of recognizing morality, then I think you have made incredible progress as a parent. You do this by breaking things down and teaching them how to understand morality and their faults, and what they can do to be better.
In the X-Box thread, I still fully support the idea that destroying his Xbox could have built some character in a positive direction if the father did more off-camera. Destroying an Xbox could be interpreted as a milestone and as a literal symbol of, "Hey, you don't need this in your life. You have other important priorities to focus on, including your self-development." That's why I put up a defense, and that's while understanding that things could have gone the other direction as well. To be honest, I'll make a retraction in that I disagree with the presentation of the video. (but not the video itself)
However, in this case, this father is being pretty torturous. I know that hair isn't mutilation or anything - but he's mangling her daughter's characters and self-defenses and propping her up as a target to be laughed at. That is the creation of shame, not the instilling of morality. This is bypassing the teaching method to simply punish. Punishment is not how understanding is delivered.
[editline]6th June 2015[/editline]
I also hope you guys will calm down with people that don't understand or don't think the same - I think it's important to bring people around in understanding that punishment is not delivering understanding, and by calling them idiots they're going to become defensive and probably block out what is said.
[QUOTE=catbarf;47894959]I don't agree with the public shaming, but the idea that a child has sovereign rights over their physical appearance is ridiculous. If a kid comes home with a mohawk and a nose ring because all the cool kids are doing it it's not [i]abuse[/i] for a parent to intervene.[/QUOTE]
If my kid suddenly came home with a mohawk and a nose ring I'd be a proud parent because clearly I'm doing something right.
[QUOTE=Paramud;47895168]If my kid suddenly came home with a mohawk and a nose ring I'd be a proud parent because clearly I'm doing something right.[/QUOTE]
Hilariously enough, some companies have ceased discrimination based on tattoos. Some are still uptight about it, but having a nose-ring isn't the end of the world.
Parents have to learn the difference between discipline and bullying.
Discipline is something that years down the line you look back and think "Yeah I'm glad my parents did that. It helped me get my act together." Bullying is something you look back at and think "Wow my Dad/ Mom were fucking dicks." and your proceed to be filled with anger because of that memory.
I remember when my dad took away my game privileges for a while because my grades slipped or he lightly hit me on the back of the head for being a lil shit at a party. Those were fine and I'm glad he got be back in line. I also remember when my Dad tore up a bunch of my trading cards in front of me and noted the rarities of each one as he ripped them up, one being the only memory I had of a friend I since lost, or the time my dad told my shit friends about my terrible grades, which they proceeded to make fun of me for. Those memories brought back feelings of rage and hatred of my Dad and every time those memories come to fruition I want to find him and angrily tell him how, 11 years later, those memories fucking hurt and he did that to me.
Public shaming will always be bullying. That type of "discipline" results in short term crippling depression, or in the case of this girl thoughts of suicide which she went through on. In the long term it can result in assertiveness issues, social anxiety, depression, trauma, and a short and violent temper. Bullying isn't just done on a kid-to-kid level.
[QUOTE=catbarf;47894959]I don't agree with the public shaming, but the idea that a child has sovereign rights over their physical appearance is ridiculous. If a kid comes home with a mohawk and a nose ring because all the cool kids are doing it it's not [i]abuse[/i] for a parent to intervene.[/QUOTE]
Ok, the teen had to have the hair styled in that manner himself, by either his own action or by going to a friend to help him, either way it is his decision as it is his appearance. The parent FORCING the kid to have his hair cut so he cannot have a mohawk is wrong.
The nose ring, if it is a real one is cause for concern and he should be brought into a doctor to make sure that it doesn't get infected, as well as a punishment in order for getting a piercing without permission. If it is a magnetic or pressure one, I wouldn't give a shit, but would say that it will make him look like a tryhard.
[QUOTE=Snoberry Tea;47893589]Uploading it to youtube doesn't mean anything[/QUOTE]
Okay, let me take 15 seconds of your embarrassment and shame and put it on YouTube. Even if only a handful of people saw it, I guarantee you'd feel like shit. She had millions see hers with 3 million alone on a [U]reupload.[/U]
It's not okay to publically shame someone for their health issues.
[QUOTE=catbarf;47894959]I don't agree with the public shaming, but the idea that a child has sovereign rights over their physical appearance is ridiculous. If a kid comes home with a mohawk and a nose ring because all the cool kids are doing it it's not [I]abuse[/I] for a parent to intervene.[/QUOTE]
If we're talking about some teenage kid, it's their body. Maybe you don't like mohawks and noserings, but how they dress and how they look really isn't for you to decide at that point. I think noserings are kinda dumb, but it's not hurting you or anyone to have one.
[QUOTE=BlueChihuahua;47894353]Suicide is the result of complex psychological problems and strains. What the father did was wrong, but you can't claim he holds 100% of the responsibility. What about the peers who teased the girl at school? There were probably other factors as well.
I find the idea of blaming someone for a suicide inherently flawed. [B]I knew a boy who suffered from depression, and after asking a girl out and being told "no," he attempted suicide.[/B] I'm sure none of you would blame the girl in that situation if he had been successful.
Again, what the father did was wrong and it very likely contributed to the girl's suicide, but you can't say he's the one holding all the responsibility for it or equate it to murder.
Abuse, yes. But not murder or manslaughter.[/QUOTE]
The big difference here is that kid told the other kid "no" privately and didn't cut up his hair.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.