• 'My Husband's Not Gay': Married Men Attracted To Men
    121 replies, posted
[QUOTE=DiscoMelon;46901693] Uh, that it preaches that suppressing your urges suddenly makes you not gay? That closeting yourself to conform to bigoted teachings is admirable? Those men didn't do what they're doing because wanted to, they did so because thay were taught that it was wrong to do otherwise.[/QUOTE] Some people have urges to murder, rape, masturbate in public, spend family money on gambing and other nice things. I thought suppressing your orges for a logical choice of yours was good.
Sounds like the guys is just Bi if hes able to have a wife and a kid.So there isn't any difference then any other married couple where the guy doesn't act on his sexual urges.But If the show was called My Bi husband that doesn't cheat on me ,no one would give a shit.
[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;46905587]Some people have urges to murder, rape, masturbate in public, spend family money on gambing and other nice things. I thought suppressing your orges for a logical choice of yours was good.[/QUOTE] and this isn't a logical choice. that's the point You shouldn't have to suppress being gay any more than you should have to suppress being straight.
[QUOTE=Mr. Scorpio;46905656]and this isn't a logical choice. that's the point You shouldn't have to suppress being gay any more than you should have to suppress being straight.[/QUOTE] What the hell, yes you should. Are you telling me the guy should be cheating on his wife? Its not like the guys suppressing that hes Bi, he even says he checks out guys when hes with her 9/10 times. That isn't any different a married straight guy checks out other women. The only thing gay people should be upset about is how their spinning the story around and saying that hes gay, which hes not and only with his wife because he wants to be normal. His situation isn't any different then most bi guys I bet.
[QUOTE=dark soul;46905880]What the hell, yes you should. Are you telling me the guy should be cheating on his wife? Its not like the guys suppressing that hes Bi, he even says he checks out guys when hes with her 9/10 times. That isn't any different a married straight guy checks out other women. The only thing gay people should be upset about is how their spinning the story around and saying that hes gay, which hes not and only with his wife because he wants to be normal. His situation isn't any different then most bi guys I bet.[/QUOTE] sup, bi guy here it's hard for me to believe this guy is bi simply because he clearly has a preference for men, and a strong one at that. if you have to 'restrain" anything in a relationship, chances are you're not happy with who you're with when I date women, I never feel as though I have to try my hardest to not go after guys, I'm just happy with the person I'm currently with, same could be said for men. this guy compares dating men to eating pleasure food, but he stays with his wife because its "what's best." if that doesn't scream internalized homophobia i don't know what does
[QUOTE=dark soul;46905880]What the hell, yes you should. Are you telling me the guy should be cheating on his wife? Its not like the guys suppressing that hes Bi, he even says he checks out guys when hes with her 9/10 times. That isn't any different a married straight guy checks out other women. The only thing gay people should be upset about is how their spinning the story around and saying that hes gay, which hes not and only with his wife because he wants to be normal. His situation isn't any different then most bi guys I bet.[/QUOTE] I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with being loyal to your partner. That would be absurd. What I'm saying is that if you like men, then you shouldn't feel as though marrying a woman anyway is the moral thing to do.
my biological grandfather is gay but he made his family first before marrying to a man I owe him my life I guess
[QUOTE=Mr. Scorpio;46905656]and this isn't a logical choice. that's the point You shouldn't have to suppress being gay any more than you should have to suppress being straight.[/QUOTE] Doesn't it say right in the OP that the guy felt attracted to men, but wanted to have a family and married a woman? What is a logical choice if this isn't?
[QUOTE=Chaplin;46906554]sup, bi guy here it's hard for me to believe this guy is bi simply because he clearly has a preference for men, and a strong one at that. if you have to 'restrain" anything in a relationship, chances are you're not happy with who you're with when I date women, I never feel as though I have to try my hardest to not go after guys, I'm just happy with the person I'm currently with, same could be said for men. this guy compares dating men to eating pleasure food, but he stays with his wife because its "what's best." if that doesn't scream internalized homophobia i don't know what does[/QUOTE] Thinking that staying with his wife and kid is a better choice than leaving them to cater to his sexual needs is internalized homophobia now?
[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;46906994]Doesn't it say right in the OP that the guy felt attracted to men, but wanted to have a family and married a woman? What is a logical choice if this isn't?[/QUOTE] Some people don't seem to understand that maybe this guy thought that his kids living with their mother was more important than his physical pleasure. Today often considered not normal, but here are still people out there who want to have kids.
[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;46906994]Doesn't it say right in the OP that the guy felt attracted to men, but wanted to have a family and married a woman? What is a logical choice if this isn't?[/QUOTE] I don't think I follow. So he entered into a monogamous relationship with a woman he isn't actually attracted to, so that she could produce a family? Is she really his "wife" in that instance? I mean the way it's being described is that they're essentially just child raising partners. There isn't actually romantic intimacy in that. And if there's no real romantic relationship, what exactly would be the issue with him just being gay? like, if I married someone so that I could get citizenship or something, I wouldn't expect that person to be loyal to me. That's the illogical part. Trying to fit what is clearly a very atypical relationship into a stereotypical mold out of some outwardly imposed sense of morality is just silly. It'd be like a single mother refusing to marry because she's trying to be loyal to her sperm donor.
[QUOTE=Mr. Scorpio;46907340]I don't think I follow. So he entered into a monogamous relationship with a woman he isn't actually attracted to, so that she could produce a family? Is she really his "wife" in that instance? I mean the way it's being described is that they're essentially just child raising partners. There isn't actually romantic intimacy in that. And if there's no real romantic relationship, what exactly would be the issue with him just being gay? like, if I married someone so that I could get citizenship or something, I wouldn't expect that person to be loyal to me. That's the illogical part. Trying to fit what is clearly a very atypical relationship into a stereotypical mold out of some outwardly imposed sense of morality is just silly. It'd be like a single mother refusing to marry because she's trying to be loyal to her sperm donor.[/QUOTE] Did you even watch the video ? They have an active sexual life and he said he loves her and is not fantasizing of other men while doing it(her). Being someones life partner should be based on a lot more than basic physical attraction.
[QUOTE=AntonioR;46907406]Did you even watch the video ? They have an active sexual life and he said he loves her and is not fantasizing of other men while doing it(her). Being someones life partner should be based on a lot more than basic physical attraction.[/QUOTE] Then he isn't gay and this program should be renamed "My Bisexual Husband Doesn't Cheat on Me". Though if he really is bi, I have to wonder why he seems so preoccupied with dudes specifically. Well, duh. But I still think you need physical attraction on some level for a romantic relationship to exist in the first place. An oath of loyalty between two people who aren't interested in romantic intimacy is really just mutual celibacy, which is kinda stupid if you ask me.
I refuse to believe that these guys have a 90% sexual preference to men and are happily married to women. The donut analogy makes absolutely no sense: If you eat donuts everyday for the rest of your life, you will be unhealthy. If you have a relationship with a man everyday for the rest of your life, you can still be a healthy happy person. I bet these guys are probably more mentally unstable and unsure of their identity than they're willing to say. It's actually more cowardly to force yourself into a less preferred situation just to maintain a comfortable status to share with family/friends/strangers/(god? - since he's Mormon).
[QUOTE=DiscoMelon;46901693]Fuck TLC to the max; first Honey Boo Boo and now this backward fucking [I]garbage.[/I] To think that it used to be called The Learning Channel. [/QUOTE] That fired up a dusty compartment in my brain for a second there, and it actually physically hurt me. I had completely forgotten TLC was called The Learning Channel, remarkable example of standards heavily lowered in the TV industry, seriously.
[QUOTE=ThePanther;46907567]I refuse to believe that these guys have a 90% sexual preference to men and are happily married to women. The donut analogy makes absolutely no sense: If you eat donuts everyday for the rest of your life, you will be unhealthy. If you have a relationship with a man everyday for the rest of your life, you can still be a healthy happy person. I bet these guys are probably more mentally unstable and unsure of their identity than they're willing to say. It's actually more cowardly to force yourself into a less preferred situation just to maintain a comfortable status to share with family/friends/strangers/(god? - since he's Mormon).[/QUOTE] If you watch the show you really see where they are coming from, they are basically bisexual but prefer to live a same sex lifestyle. There wives are cool with it and support it. The show is fine everyone just get there nickers in a twist over anything
[QUOTE=Silly Sil;46907144]Thinking that staying with his wife and kid is a better choice than leaving them to cater to his sexual needs is internalized homophobia now?[/QUOTE] that's not what i said, I just think the guy is trying too hard to be someone he's not
[QUOTE=BusterBluth;46908400]If you watch the show you really see where they are coming from, they are basically bisexual but prefer to live a same sex lifestyle. There wives are cool with it and support it. The show is fine everyone just get there nickers in a twist over anything[/QUOTE] I think you mean that they prefer to live a heterosexual lifestyle. And their wives support their decision to do what exactly? Suppress their true feelings? The part where the husband says he's jealous of his wife for getting to kiss more boys than him before they got married may seem like a funny joke on the surface, but I've got a funny feeling that it's truly something he regrets not being able to experience. All I see that mentality leading to is depression, cheating on his wife, or most likely both. Not to mention the message that this show gives to people who are actually gay and may have a difficult time convincing their family or friends to accept that about them. "See you don't have to be gay! Look at these guys! They say they're attracted to the same sex but they still choose to be [i]normal[/i]. Why can't you be like them?!"
Okay, coming out as gay isn't just about people knowing you're gay, it's also partly about being able to act on it - Supressing your urges is incredibly unhealthy, and shouldn't be advertised as anything else. I think he made a bad choice, but it's not up to me nor can I change it. However, when he/they go on TV and advertise it as what they think to be "the moral choice" (which they do, at least partly) is when I have a problem with it. Fuck TLC for agreeing to air this shit, this'll undoubtably have negative, real consequences for a lot of people out there.
[QUOTE=Chaplin;46908772]that's not what i said, I just think the guy is trying too hard to be someone he's not[/QUOTE] How is it not what you said? He has a decision to make, he can either stay with his wife and child and forget about having sex with men or he can leave his wife and child in order to fulfill his sexual desires. And you are saying that not going for the selfish option which would be dumping your family to cater to your sexual desires and thinking that "what's best" is to stay his family is internalized homophobia. Yeah he should totally move out of his house, shit on everything he has build with his wife and start seeing his child few times per week so he can have some penis. That's what's best. Totally. Otherwise it's injustice done to him by society and repression of gays.
[QUOTE=Silly Sil;46909613]How is it not what you said? He has a decision to make, he can either stay with his wife and child and forget about having sex with men or he can leave his wife and child in order to fulfill his sexual desires. And you are saying that not going for the selfish option which would be dumping your family to cater to your sexual desires and thinking that "what's best" is to stay his family is internalized homophobia. Yeah he should totally move out of his house, shit on everything he has build with his wife and start seeing his child few times per week so he can have some penis. That's what's best. Totally. Otherwise it's injustice done to him by society and repression of gays.[/QUOTE] That's not what he's saying at all. He's saying that he should never have entered a heterosexual relationship and gotten married in the first place, starting a family is just furthering his insecurity about his sexuality. Hiding his real self like that is a disservice to his family, since he's doing it to look normal. He cares more about his image in the Mormon world than he cares about his family.
so basically they're stuck in a stockholm syndrome-like state where they can't reconcile their fundamental being with their preconceptions of what a god might expect of them. thats very sad :(
[QUOTE=BigJoeyLemons;46910418]That's not what he's saying at all. He's saying that he should never have entered a heterosexual relationship and gotten married in the first place, starting a family is just furthering his insecurity about his sexuality. Hiding his real self like that is a disservice to his family, since he's doing it to look normal. He cares more about his image in the Mormon world than he cares about his family.[/QUOTE] Didn't the guy have a sexual relationship with his wife? In that case he's bi and he chose having a family over having sexual relationship with men. Why would you condemn that choice? If I'm wrong about the relationship with his wife, disregard everything I've said.
[QUOTE=ThePanther;46909114]I think you mean that they prefer to live a heterosexual lifestyle. And their wives support their decision to do what exactly? Suppress their true feelings? The part where the husband says he's jealous of his wife for getting to kiss more boys than him before they got married may seem like a funny joke on the surface, but I've got a funny feeling that it's truly something he regrets not being able to experience. All I see that mentality leading to is depression, cheating on his wife, or most likely both. Not to mention the message that this show gives to people who are actually gay and may have a difficult time convincing their family or friends to accept that about them. "See you don't have to be gay! Look at these guys! They say they're attracted to the same sex but they still choose to be [i]normal[/i]. Why can't you be like them?!"[/QUOTE] They are sexually attractive to their wives. As I said, it should be called my husband is bisexual. Its the same thing as me supressing my urge to fuck other girls because I have a girlfriend. [editline]12th January 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=BigJoeyLemons;46910418]That's not what he's saying at all. He's saying that he should never have entered a heterosexual relationship and gotten married in the first place, starting a family is just furthering his insecurity about his sexuality. Hiding his real self like that is a disservice to his family, since he's doing it to look normal. He cares more about his image in the Mormon world than he cares about his family.[/QUOTE] No one here has watched the show. They are openly attracted to men in the show, their wives and family know it, but they also are attracted to their wives.
[QUOTE=BusterBluth;46911880]They are sexually attractive to their wives. As I said, it should be called my husband is bisexual. Its the same thing as me supressing my urge to fuck other girls because I have a girlfriend. [/QUOTE] The guy claims to be gay, outright. He has sex with his wife, yeah, because that's what he's been told his entire life is the moral/right thing to do. I won't adress the second part because you base that on him being bi (I hope). As I said before, he can do whatever he wants for all I care - Just don't try and advertise it as a normal, or healthy lifestyle for him or for others.
[QUOTE=NoOnE#235;46911932]The guy claims to be gay, outright. He has sex with his wife, yeah, because that's what he's been told his entire life is the moral/right thing to do. I won't adress the second part because you base that on him being bi (I hope). As I said before, he can do whatever he wants for all I care - Just don't try and advertise it as a normal, or healthy lifestyle for him or for others.[/QUOTE] He is sexually attracted to his wife, he is bi by definition. It's as normal as any other relationship where someone has to suppress urges, hence all relationships.
[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;46905587]Some people have urges to murder, rape, masturbate in public, spend family money on gambing and other nice things. I thought suppressing your orges for a logical choice of yours was good.[/QUOTE] Some people have urges to eat ice cream when it's cold outside. Not something the average person would do, but harmful? Not unless you start to get hypothermia. Not every urge is harmful.
[QUOTE=BusterBluth;46911955]He is sexually attracted to his wife, he is bi by definition. It's as normal as any other relationship where someone has to suppress urges, hence all relationships.[/QUOTE] You don't HAVE to be sexually attracted to someone to sleep with them, doesn't mean he's sexually attracted to her - I have no doubt that they might have a strong emotional bond, but he's not bi or straight, and doesn't even claim to be either of the two. He states outright that he's gay. I know it's normal to supress urges to sleep with other people while in a relationship, but this is vastly different BECAUSE he is gay. You base that on him being bi, in which case it makes sense, but not otherwise.
[QUOTE=NoOnE#235;46912160]You don't HAVE to be sexually attracted to someone to sleep with them, doesn't mean he's sexually attracted to her - I have no doubt that they might have a strong emotional bond, but he's not bi or straight, and doesn't even claim to be either of the two. He states outright that he's gay. I know it's normal to supress urges to sleep with other people while in a relationship, but this is vastly different BECAUSE he is gay. You base that on him being bi, in which case it makes sense, but not otherwise.[/QUOTE] Which one are you talking about? All of them specifically state they find their wives sexually attractive
[QUOTE=BusterBluth;46912241]Which one are you talking about? All of them specifically state they find their wives sexually attractive[/QUOTE] I might've just missed it, but where do they say that?
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