Jesse Bright, Hidden Path Entertainment developer, commits suicide - Polidicks

[QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47377182]I'm sorry but how do you know what i've been through and what my 'depression' was like? For your information I've contemplated suicide 3 times.. but each time my saner mind has prevaled, realizing my feelings were getting the best of me. I completely understand what depression is and you should stop assuming you and the man we're talking about are the only ones who have experienced it. Edit: My point in the discussion is, we should stop feeling sorry for him, because he left his children in a predicament, that they need to deal with and clean up. It was his choice to leave them like that. Im not 'angry' he took his own life or anything. Im just dissapointed he felt selfish enough to let his CHILDREN live with a father who KILLED HIMSELF[/QUOTE] I think you're displacing your rage and being too riled up at the fact that someone failed when you were able to prevail. I can understand the frustration of seeing someone fail in your position, but that's not correct. I also deal with depression and anxiety, more so anxiety, and it's physically painful for me. Under that duress, I can't let go and it's terrifying, like it's always behind me ready to take hold and drag me down. It is no longer a matter of logic because I can't think. All I want is for it to stop.

[QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47377126]Being weak and cowardly is not despicable but is not attractive in any way.[/QUOTE] Well, this isn't a beauty contest, so I don't really give a shit that being weak/cowardly isn't exactly a desirable characteristic to have. I just know that these characteristics can be absolutely difficult to get rid of, so I don't blame one for being like that, just like how I wouldn't blame anyone for having anxiety or being born with some kind of mental disability. [QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47377126]It should not be sought out, if you want to further society. I do not feel sorry for him, because letting your feelings get the best of you in any situation is wrong. It always leads to bad things. Ever seen a guy get too happy? Ever seen a guy get too angry? Ever seen a guy get too sad? Learning to control your emotions is something we all should be seeking to do. Giving excuses by saying I'm weak and cowardly therefore I can kill myself and leave others with the hardships and burdens of my life and decsions, is not something I will feel sorry about. [/QUOTE] Again, no one is saying that it was a logical or justified decision. We're just being lenient about it since some of us understands or at least has an idea that it's far from easy, and it's not like depressed people will always get the chance to learn to control their own emotions or the chance to get motivation to learn that. You're acting like anyone can so easily overcome their emotions, or for some reason you act so surprised as if you expect one to overcome said feelings even if you're fully aware of how difficult it may be. [QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47377126]I don't understand the coddling of the depressed. I sat in my room at my parents house for 3 years depressed out of my mind and noone ever asked me about it or coddled me. I understood they were just stupid feelings that I kept focusing on, which perpetually made me more sad, so I focused on feelings that made me happy, and eventually started getting better.[/QUOTE] Trying to think happy thoughts isn't always going to be enough for some people who suffer depression. Seems like it's enough for you, which is great, but I doubt that that solution would automatically work for everyone who suffers depression. Plus, it's not going to make your depression go away forever. [QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47377126]I read a piece once about people who jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge, and survived. One of the quotes said something along the lines of (and im paraphrasing here) "As soon as I let go of the railing I instantly realised that all of my problems I thought were unfixable, were actually totally fixable with a little work and focus."[/QUOTE] Well, it's fucking awesome that they lived through and realized that they could fix their problems, but I don't think you should be treating this change of mind as if it was less of an awesome thing that happened and more of an absolutely mandatory thing that everyone is expected to go through. They just got lucky that it came to their head and that they managed to survive their suicide. [QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47377126]I understand he's a human being and It's a sad thing he did this no doubt, but.... I don't feel [b]sorry[/b] for him.[/QUOTE] What's up with the bolded part? Feels like you were trying to imply an extended meaning by doing that, but I'm not getting it. Now, I'm not even sure if I experience depression. At times, I do get pissed off at myself for mistakes and drone on about it internally or get upset about how the world is like for at least a couple hours, but I'm not sure that it's the same thing as constantly being depressed. If I said anything about depression or depressed people that may be totally inaccurate, feel free to correct me on it.

I don't know if this guy is really depressed, but ex-alcoholics get frustrated sometimes when hearing about other people's struggles and failures in combating alcoholism. It could be the same thing. However, with how he's talking about depression, either he's still really messed up or he's got no understanding of depression.. Also, what if someone doesn't care about whether or not things work? What if they don't care about things working? What if all they want is to disappear? Just because there is a right thing to do doesn't invalidate their troublelesome emotions.

I guess there's just nothing he could have done about it to fix it and him killing himself was the only thing he could have done. I am wrong about depression. I obviously have never been depressed, and if I have I am obviously still very messed up for thinking that killing myself is wrong and isn't un avoidable, but due to these immense and un-controllable [i]feelings[/i] it obviously is. sorry for being so stupid and inconsiderate guys Edit: Look, MY POINT IS: I think he is selfish (even though he has depression and his mind was clouded) for not being clear enough to not let his children go through life knowing their father killed himself. I am thinking about the children, not the man. Stop mincing my words, trying to find something politically correct to call me dumb with.

[QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47377572]I guess there's just nothing he could have done about it to fix it and him killing himself was the only thing he could have done. I am wrong about depression. I obviously have never been depressed, and if I have I am obviously still very messed up for thinking that killing myself is wrong and isn't un avoidable, but due to these immense and un-controllable [i]feelings[/i] it obviously is. sorry for being so stupid and inconsiderate guys[/QUOTE] No problem, I'm glad you can at least admit that you're wrong. Sorry for being so harsh. Humans are emotional beings. Sometimes it can be extremely difficult to see past that part of oneself. Emotions are irrational in and of themselves, a product of some other event. But they make up so much of the human experience. Because of that, there is no way to simply make them 'go away', especially when they're caused by mental illness. It's understandable that some people have a difficult time comprehending that. We all come from different places.

I guess like Nas says "Life's a Bitch and then you die."

[QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47377182]I'm sorry but how do you know what i've been through and what my 'depression' was like? For your information I've contemplated suicide 3 times.. but each time my saner mind has prevaled, realizing my feelings were getting the best of me. I completely understand what depression is and you should stop assuming you and the man we're talking about are the only ones who have experienced it. Edit: My point in the discussion is, we should stop feeling sorry for him, because he left his children in a predicament, that they need to deal with and clean up. It was his choice to leave them like that. Im not 'angry' he took his own life or anything. Im just dissapointed he felt selfish enough to let his CHILDREN live with a father who KILLED HIMSELF[/QUOTE] The fact that you find it so difficult to understand his state of mind leads me to believe that you've never truly suffered from the illness before.

Stuff like this is why I'm trying my best to get over my Depression. Of course, that may not ever happen, but after a year of being on meds and actually having found help for it, my life has really turned around for the better. I honestly wish I just would've just decided to get help earlier though. Been suffering through it since my pre-teens, but never sought help until last year because I was in the mindset that I could get over it myself. Turns out, the more that I relied on myself, the more I pushed myself down and the worse it got. But, it's gotten much better over the past year. I rarely feel down and I usually have confidence in myself and my abilities now, where I used to think I was utter shit at everything before. I still don't think I'm that great of a person though. People tell me I'm nice and sweet all the time, yet I always feel like I'm not. I hope to get over that with time as well, see what those people see. But enough rambling about myself, as that's insanely selfish. It's very tragic to lose anyone in this world who contributed to something that influenced people's lives in a positive way. Whether he had depression or not, it's very tragic to have lost Jesse Bright. My condolences go to his family, and his fellow developers at Hidden Path. May he rest in peace. And yes, while game development is a dream job for most, it's also extremely stressful. If you work as a AAA developer, chances are, you're doing overtime every week and putting many hours of your day into creating or finalizing something. Crunchtimes are the norm in AAA game development, and it's not unheard of that you could be away from your family for a week or two staying at your offices while working on a game. Some Indie devs have it this way too. Either way, stress and depression are never a good mix, as should be obvious.

[QUOTE=Rahu X;47379753]But enough rambling about myself, as that's insanely selfish.[/QUOTE] I wouldn't say sharing one's experience is selfish.

[QUOTE=DeEz;47379203]The fact that you find it so difficult to understand his state of mind leads me to believe that you've never truly suffered from the illness before.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry I didn't know I needed to have a binary view point to a topic that has an incredible amount of variables Did you know I've never had a single negative thought before? I must be the happiest person on earth. Like honestly, how do none of you understand what I'm trying to get at? If you're a father, you should not even think about taking your own life, that will mess your kids up bad. Depression isn't the brain slug from Futurama that takes over your entire mind and leaves you to do it's bidding. Stop this.

[QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47382617]I'm sorry I didn't know I needed to have a binary view point to a topic that has an incredible amount of variables Did you know I've never had a single negative thought before? I must be the happiest person on earth. Like honestly, how do none of you understand what I'm trying to get at? If you're a father, you should not even think about taking your own life, that will mess your kids up bad. Depression isn't the brain slug from Futurama that takes over your entire mind and leaves you to do it's bidding. Stop this.[/QUOTE] "I don't have a binary point of view" to "if it isn't a brain slug just get over it" in seconds flat

[QUOTE=Zeke129;47382997]"I don't have a binary point of view" to "if it isn't a brain slug just get over it" in seconds flat[/QUOTE] I have a question for you. If you had children would you take your own life? Would you even think about it? Could it even cross your mind? The way you all talk about this is as if you are defending his decision... as if it was the right thing to do in his situation... I know it happened already and nothing can fix that, that doesn't mean I cannot be upset at him for doing so. I am angry he left his children in such a bad spot. That is all i'm upset about. And apparently this is funny to you.... That's wonderful. Good to know we have some upstanding people with Politically correct thinking here. That's nice. Look this is gonna be my last post. I guess if you're depressed you should just kill yourself because it's the only solution. And if you do kill yourself and leave your family in a rut it totally isnt your decision, it would be the other-wordly being known as depression that did you in.

[QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47383307]I have a question for you. If you had children would you take your own life? Would you even think about it? Could it even cross your mind?[/quote] If I had children I can only assume that it would not affect my ability to develop mental illness any more than it would affect my ability to develop cancer [QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47383307]Look this is gonna be my last post. I guess if you're depressed you should just kill yourself because it's the only solution. And if you do kill yourself and leave your family in a rut it totally isnt your decision, it would be the other-wordly being known as depression that did you in.[/QUOTE] "This is going to be my last post, by the way, kill yourself, l8r" It's a shame the politically correct boogeyman got me :(

[QUOTE=Zeke129;47383798]If I had children I can only assume that it would not affect my ability to develop mental illness any more than it would affect my ability to develop cancer "This is going to be my last post, by the way, kill yourself, l8r" It's a shame the politically correct boogeyman got me :([/QUOTE] You purposefully misconstrue words just to get witty zingers out there. I wasn't telling you to kill yourself. I wish you the best though my friend.

[QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47383307]I have a question for you. If you had children would you take your own life? Would you even think about it? Could it even cross your mind? The way you all talk about this is as if you are defending his decision... as if it was the right thing to do in his situation... I know it happened already and nothing can fix that, that doesn't mean I cannot be upset at him for doing so. I am angry he left his children in such a bad spot. That is all i'm upset about. And apparently this is funny to you.... That's wonderful. Good to know we have some upstanding people with Politically correct thinking here. That's nice. Look this is gonna be my last post. I guess if you're depressed you should just kill yourself because it's the only solution. And if you do kill yourself and leave your family in a rut it totally isnt your decision, it would be the other-wordly being known as depression that did you in.[/QUOTE] You have a serious misunderstanding of depression. There's nothing cowardly about it - it's a physical illness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that totally skews how you think. I suffered from depression and anxiety throughout high school - it wasn't logical. I had a beautiful girlfriend, amazing friends, I had great grades, I was active in a bunch of shit, my parents trusted me and treated me with respect and understanding, and I had three loving sisters and a dog I'd die for. None of that meant shit when I was depressed. When you're depressed and you're considering suicide, you absolutely think about how it'll affect the people you love. You aren't selfish in that manner - you think "they'd be better off without me dragging them down and making them worry about me so much." You aren't cowardly - you're fighting the chemical makeup of your own brain. You are physically incapable of being happy or content. You cannot even imagine a better future. Even with all the external support in the world, you cannot function like a normal human being - and you feel helpless, without a sense of direction or control over your own life. If you lost both your legs, yeah, you could patch them up and have people carry you everywhere, but you'd still feel like an absolute burden and you'd wish you could just [I]walk[/I]. You want the ability to be happy and responsible and independent - but you can't. It's the worst sensation in the world. I'm not cheering on his decision to commit suicide - it's never the way out of depression. I'm not happy that his kid is left without a father. But I'm able to understand the mentality that depression brings about - he [I]was[/I] thinking about his kid. He was thinking about his kid more than anything else in the world - no question. But depression isn't reasonable, and the mental and physical pain it brings cloud your judgment, leading to tragedies like this. Depression gives you no room to "not think about ending your own life." It's a thought that just appears and loops in on itself over and over and over. It's something that you can't empathize with unless you've experienced it. Suicide is premeditated, and you carefully think over every way it would affect the people you love - but depression doesn't give a shit, and it bends your thoughts in such a way that suicide seems like a way for you to escape your suffering and for you to stop burdening and hurting others.

Can't believe even threads like this turn to shit, rest in peace man. Condolences to the family.

[QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47383307]I have a question for you. If you had children would you take your own life? Would you even think about it? Could it even cross your mind? The way you all talk about this is as if you are defending his decision... as if it was the right thing to do in his situation... I know it happened already and nothing can fix that, that doesn't mean I cannot be upset at him for doing so. I am angry he left his children in such a bad spot. That is all i'm upset about. And apparently this is funny to you.... That's wonderful. Good to know we have some upstanding people with Politically correct thinking here. That's nice. Look this is gonna be my last post. I guess if you're depressed you should just kill yourself because it's the only solution. And if you do kill yourself and leave your family in a rut it totally isnt your decision, it would be the other-wordly being known as depression that did you in.[/QUOTE] I think you should spend some time researching depression before you make your judgements. [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_disorder#Depressive_disorders[/url] Start here and start clicking.

I have depression too. Had it most of my life at least. Yeah, it sucks.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;47386976]I think you should spend some time researching depression before you make your judgements. [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_disorder#Depressive_disorders[/url] Start here and start clicking.[/QUOTE] I know I said that was going to be my last post but I'm going back on that. All of you think I have no clue what depression does to you. I have been sitting in my house for 3 years, having thoughts like "oh i'm useless" and "im not at my full potential". I understand how it leaves you with a clouded point of view. I understand everything you are trying to tell me and know how these people feel. I have even thought about ending it my self, multiple times, albeit obviously not seriously. But to have children and actually going through the act of killing yourself, and I mean the literal actions right before you end it, is plain selfish to me (You still are yourself, you still have rational thoughts in serious moment such as this, you are a human being.). Now if you are on your own with noone depending on you, its not as bad and kind of understandable to a [b]point[/b]. He had children who probably looked up to him and now he is completely gone from their lives, because of his own choice (and no matter what you tell me about depression it is still a choice to end it.) That's all im upset about! Of course it's terrible he took his life and I have all the sympathy in the world for him! That doesn't mean im not going to think down on him as such, for actually going through with it. That was my point. Nothing is going to change what happened to him and I'm not going to sway any of your opinions, I was just trying to clarify my point for the past few posts, because obviously my point is not getting across to anyone. It seriously sucks that this is happening on a thread like this... but theres really no other place to discuss a topic such as this... Im not a heartless arse like you all think I am, but you sometimes have to understand some people do or say some bad things and should still be condemed for it (however important they may be), be it me or the man we're speaking about. Hopefull you can understand my point of view, because it isn't coming from some dumb-bro who gang bangs and only listens to rap music and watches basketball like you all probably think I do. It's terrible that we've come to fighting on here, simply because you think differently then me. As I said I still have my utmost respect for the man and I wish he hadn't done it, seriously.

[QUOTE=ThisGuy69s;47389072]..You still are yourself, [B]you still have rational thoughts[/B] in serious moment such as this, you are a human being.[/QUOTE] The very core of depression is that, during an episode, you [I]aren't[/I] thinking rationally. Depression distorts your thoughts. You seem so hell-bent on trying to dance around this, why? Are you afraid of the thought that perhaps your situation actually could've been worse, or are you in some other form of denial? I am sorry you hit a rough patch but, based on your lack of understanding depression, I am inclined to believe that you are not and have not suffered from a major depressive disorder. If you cannot for the life of you understand why this man killed himself (despite the fact that he had children) then I do not believe you've been at the tipping point, and if that's the case, I hope for your sake that you never get to experience that.

When I was in Elementary School, I seriously didn't understand suicide and thought it was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. I legitimately question this guy's age. (His username isn't helping.)