"Snow Is God's Way of Punishing Americans Who Were Planning to Drive to Do Something Gay"
81 replies, posted
[url=http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/pat-robertson-snow-is-god_b_801755.html?ref=fb&src=sp]HuffPost[/url]
[img]http://www.conspiracyplanet.com/images/ACFB8.jpg[/img]
[release]VIRGINIA BEACH (The Borowitz Report) - Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today's broadcast of his 700 Club program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast "to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay."
Explaining his theory, Rev. Robertson said, "Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two."
Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area "so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur."
As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, "I think God probably wonders, if these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?"
In other blizzard-related news, the National Weather Service offered this update: "It's as white as a Glenn Beck rally out there." [/release]
Drove to a party last night through the snow and ended up drunkenly hooking up with a random dude.
All-wheel-drive > God.
I must have been planning to do something gay because I got snowed in too
So, i got snowed in, does this mean i was going to do gay activities with my girlfriend.. somehow?
[b]*EDIT*[/b]
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Not a flake of snow here, and I'm in the Northeast.
makes total sense
why didn't i see this, snow is anti-gay
So an almighty being can only postpone this sort of thing? Not hugely impressive to be honest.
wow let's all disprove something that everyone already knows is stupid.
This is a joke right?
In other news:
Herp a derp.
[QUOTE=Habsburg;27017936]
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:rock:
On topic:
This makes very little sense.. :sigh:
[QUOTE=Jimpy;27018049]This is a joke right?[/QUOTE]
Nope, Patty-Rob is really that retarded.
We got next to no snow in my area. I repelled it all with the force of the manly field emanating from my chest hairs.
I was expecting Westboro
Jokes on you my boyfriend has a snow fetish
:huh:
I had to check the source to make sure you weren't making stuff up. This is just great, especially this:
[quote=The Huffington Post]As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, "I think God probably wonders, if these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?"[/quote]
So it's OK for Americans to do something gay 3/4 of the year's time?
[QUOTE=ASmellyOgreV2;27018099]I had to check the source to make sure you weren't making stuff up. This is just great, especially this:[/QUOTE]
That made me laugh a little.
from the same geniuses that brought you this gem:
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ4dA6kZsEs[/media]
But I live in California and we have the most homosexuals, it also never snows there. I have proved that god loves homosexuals
What about all the people who wanted to drive to their church services on Sunday?
If there was a god, who made the universe, with laws so complex we can't fully understand yet and scales unimaginably small and unfathomably fucking huge it hurts your brain if you think about it too much, why would he cause inclement weather to stop some butt fucking?
faith in humanity.
lacking
[QUOTE=Janus Vesta;27018205]If there was a god, who made the universe, with laws so complex we can't fully understand yet and scales unimaginably small and unfathomably fucking huge it hurts your brain if you think about it too much, why would he cause inclement weather to stop some butt fucking?[/QUOTE]
Because the truth is that snow is god's semen, and he was really skeeting over the east coast to give homosexuals a little xmas treat.
"Buttsex is for summer damnit"
-God
[QUOTE=Hamsterjuice;27018091]I was expecting Westboro[/QUOTE]
I was expecting the Onion.
If god hates gay people so much and he is supposedly all-powerful, then why doesn't he just make homosexuality not exist?
Oh evangelicals, you so crazy.
[QUOTE=ThatDarnGrei;27018421]If god hates gay people so much and he is supposedly all-powerful, then why doesn't he just make homosexuality not exist?
Oh evangelicals, you so crazy.[/QUOTE]
Easy with that logic buddy this is a religion thread
This has to be a parody or satire. This just has to be.
So what about the Americans who were traveling to do something not gay?
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