• WSJ: Young women in college need to smarten up and start hubby-hunting
    219 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43917909]i take issue with some idiot making the assertion that women have to focus on a family rather than a career if they want to land a husband, i take issue with her implying that women become less desirable when they are intelligent and when they get older, i take issue with her implying that mens attractions are as base as youth and looks and i take issue with people like you defending this sexist nonsense by trying to claim she's saying something completely different than what she's blatantly saying.[/QUOTE] Youth does seem to play a bigger part with men.
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43917909]i take issue with some idiot making the assertion that women have to focus on a family rather than a career if they want to land a husband, i take issue with her implying that women become less desirable when they are intelligent and when they get older, i take issue with her implying that mens attractions are as base as youth and looks and i take issue with people like you defending this sexist nonsense by trying to claim she's saying something completely different than what she's blatantly saying.[/QUOTE] oh wow, so fucking what if she thinks women should take more of a family role, if they think its so outrageous to do so, they don't have to do it. Just because it may fit into "preconceived gender roles" or "sexist nonsense" whatever you want to claim it is, doesn't matter. If women decide to follow this woman's advice and decide that putting together a family is more important, it is of no concern to you, so why is it such a big deal?
[QUOTE=Appellation;43917955]Youth does seem to play a bigger part with men.[/QUOTE] shallow relationships based purely on looks or age are relationships that don't last. it's ridiculous that this woman is trying to perpetuate these kind of attitudes that only lead to more divorces or unhappy marriages [editline]15th February 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Comcastic;43917960]oh wow, so fucking what if she thinks women should take more of a family role, if they think its so outrageous to do so, they don't have to do it. Just because it may fit into "preconceived gender roles" or "sexist nonsense" whatever you want to claim it is, doesn't matter. If women decide to follow this woman's advice and decide that putting together a family is more important, it is of no concern to you, so why is it such a big deal?[/QUOTE] because she is perpetuating harmful sexist bullshit. [editline]15th February 2014[/editline] and she's trying to assert that a woman can't both have a career AND a family which is nonsense
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43917909]i take issue with some idiot making the assertion that women have to focus on a family rather than a career if they want to land a husband[/quote] How many times do people have to say, relationships are hard. Of course you as a young male would know better than all the career women struggling how to land a husband, so go ahead and lecture people on how they can have everything with no compromises. [quote]i take issue with her implying that women become less desirable when they are intelligent and when they get older, i take issue with her implying that mens attractions are as base as youth and looks[/quote] And I'm sure you taking issue with what older men find attractive will make a world of difference. She's not perpetuating this kind of shallow bullshit, she's acknowledging it occurs, you're the one thinking if you believe men are better than that it will come true. [quote]and i take issue with people like you defending this sexist nonsense by trying to claim she's saying something completely different than what she's blatantly saying.[/QUOTE] Because your interpretation is absolute perfection and anyone arguing a different point is heresy, nice ego there. [QUOTE=Lachz0r;43917968]shallow relationships based purely on looks or age are relationships that don't last. it's ridiculous that this woman is trying to perpetuate these kind of attitudes that only lead to more divorces or unhappy marriages[/quote] And you know all about TRUE LOVE, right? You seriously think that a woman can find someone good, avoid all the stuff you complain about and manage to get them to settle down all while never sacrificing anything? [quote]and she's trying to assert that a woman can't both have a career AND a family which is nonsense[/QUOTE] That's what you are reading, not what is being said, learn the difference.
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43917968]shallow relationships based purely on looks or age are relationships that don't last. it's ridiculous that this woman is trying to perpetuate these kind of attitudes that only lead to more divorces or unhappy marriages [editline]15th February 2014[/editline] because she is perpetuating harmful sexist bullshit. [editline]15th February 2014[/editline] and she's trying to assert that a woman can't both have a career AND a family which is nonsense[/QUOTE] How is telling women to not be so focused on work harmful sexist bullshit? Shes not even saying that they cannot have both. She's saying if it interests you, start planning your future for a family. She then goes on to say "This is especially the case if you are a woman with exceptionally good academic credentials, aiming for corporate stardom." What is hateful about that? She's giving advice to women who are interested in having a family in the near future. If you read between the lines all she's really saying is don't focus too much on work, but don't ignore it. Because if you only focus on work you may be missing a possible outlet for more happiness in your life. It's almost like you only read what was bolded. Although, I will agree with you that this quote: "[B]And if you start to earn more than he does? Forget about it. Very few men have egos that can endure what they will see as a form of emasculation." [/B]Is dumb on her part, that is not true at all.
i'm not saying noone has to make compromises, i'm saying women shouldn't be the ones that are expected to. and uh, i'm tkaing issue with her IMPLYING that, i don't believe it's true at all, i mean obviously it's true for shallow pieces of shit who move from one woman to another once they get 'bored' (or the woman gets too old) but men that actually want a lasting and real relationship do not just go for looks and youth and they certainly don't find their partners attraction or success in the work place threatening. and i'm not INTERPRETING what she's saying I'M REPEATING IT, you're the one that is basically changing what she's saying completely.
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918054]i'm not saying noone has to make compromises, i'm saying women shouldn't be the ones that are expected to. and uh, i'm tkaing issue with her IMPLYING that, i don't believe it's true at all, i mean obviously it's true for shallow pieces of shit who move from one woman to another once they get 'bored' (or the woman gets too old) but men that actually want a lasting and real relationship do not just go for looks and youth and they certainly don't find their partners attraction or success in the work place threatening. and i'm not INTERPRETING what she's saying I'M REPEATING IT, you're the one that is basically changing what she's saying completely.[/QUOTE] You say you're repeating her, but you take issue with what you interpret that she's implying? You speak of ideals, of good men who don't just go for youth, but do you know how difficult that is? Good men who haven't been taken by the time they're 30, it takes a fair bit of work to find a good one and you talking about what should be doesn't change that. And women shouldn't be the ones making compromises? It's their search for a husband and the fact there's only so many hours in the day, what kind of compromises could anyone else possibly make?
[QUOTE=Devodiere;43918107]You say you're repeating her, but you take issue with what you interpret that she's implying? You speak of ideals, of good men who don't just go for youth, but do you know how difficult that is? Good men who haven't been taken by the time they're 30, it takes a fair bit of work to find a good one and you talking about what should be doesn't change that. And women shouldn't be the ones making compromises? It's their search for a husband and the fact there's only so many hours in the day, what kind of compromises could anyone else possibly make?[/QUOTE] what so because it'll be harder to find a good man by the time they're 30 they should settle for a shithead that goes for 20 year olds? and what it's women who are searching for husbands?
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918118]what so because it'll be harder to find a good man by the time they're 30 they should settle for a shithead that goes for 20 year olds? and what it's women who are searching for husbands?[/QUOTE] What is wrong with men who go for women in their 20s, and why are they shitheads? You're implying that any man who goes for a woman above the age of 20, and below the age of 30, is a shithead. Why? because he has his own personal preferences?
[QUOTE=Comcastic;43918136]What is wrong with men who go for women in their 20s, and why are they shitheads? You're implying that any man who goes for a woman above the age of 20, and below the age of 30, is a shithead. Why? because he has his own personal preferences?[/QUOTE] i don't think there's anything wrong with going after whoever you want (well obviously within reason (death to all pedos)) but i feel that men who value youth and looks over everything else in a relationship are immature morons who are just looking for a fuck and not a stable or lasting relationship. i mean, doesn't that idea just seem stupid to you anyway? that you should husband hunt in your 20s because men will be more attracted to your youth, then try start a family? what happens when you get old and he wants youth again? i wonder why the divorce rate is so high in a country where these ideas are so prevalent.....
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918186]i don't think there's anything wrong with going after whoever you want (well obviously within reason (death to all pedos)) but i feel that men who value youth and looks over everything else in a relationship are immature morons who are just looking for a fuck and not a stable or lasting relationship. i mean, doesn't that idea just seem stupid to you anyway? that you should husband hunt in your 20s because men will be more attracted to your youth, then try start a family? what happens when you get old and he wants youth again? i wonder why the divorce rate is so high in a country where these ideas are so prevalent.....[/QUOTE] I understand what you're saying, and I agree with you to a certain extent. However the fact is that physical attraction and youth play a major role in the spark of a relationship, just because they are in their 20s doesn't mean that will lead into an unstable relationship. However, if you manage to pull up statistics showing people who marry in their 20s are much more likely to divorce than any other age group, I will gladly retract my statement.
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918118]what so because it'll be harder to find a good man by the time they're 30 they should settle for a shithead that goes for 20 year olds? and what it's women who are searching for husbands?[/QUOTE] Where are you getting this from? If women want a man who isn't a shithead then it takes a lot of work, something which your career may suffer from. The compromise is between career and home-life so achieve happiness in both, not thinking your entitled to a perfect man while putting 60 hours a week into your job. [QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918186]i don't think there's anything wrong with going after whoever you want (well obviously within reason (death to all pedos)) but i feel that men who value youth and looks over everything else in a relationship are immature morons who are just looking for a fuck and not a stable or lasting relationship. i mean, doesn't that idea just seem stupid to you anyway? that you should husband hunt in your 20s because men will be more attracted to your youth, then try start a family? what happens when you get old and he wants youth again? i wonder why the divorce rate is so high in a country where these ideas are so prevalent.....[/QUOTE] What the hell are you talking about? Finding youth attractive means you're going to divorce your wife when she's 30? The reason it's better to husband-hunt young is the dating dynamic is in women's favour and the good men who aren't "shitheads" haven't all been snapped up yet, not because men are attracted to youth and only youth.
[QUOTE=Comcastic;43918244]I understand what you're saying, and I agree with you to a certain extent. However the fact is that physical attraction and youth play a major role in the spark of a relationship, just because they are in their 20s doesn't mean that will lead into an unstable relationship. However, if you manage to pull up statistics showing people who marry in their 20s are much more likely to divorce than any other age group, I will gladly retract my statement.[/QUOTE] [url]http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/08/26/why-a-womans-age-at-time-of-marriage-matters-and-what-this-tells-us-about-the-apex-fallacy/[/url] [editline]15th February 2014[/editline] under 20 is a higher divorce rate obviously [editline]15th February 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Devodiere;43918257]Where are you getting this from? If women want a man who isn't a shithead then it takes a lot of work, something which your career may suffer from. The compromise is between career and home-life so achieve happiness in both, not thinking your entitled to a perfect man while putting 60 hours a week into your job. What the hell are you talking about? Finding youth attractive means you're going to divorce your wife when she's 30? The reason it's better to husband-hunt young is the dating dynamic is in women's favour and the good men who aren't "shitheads" haven't all been snapped up yet, not because men are attracted to youth and only youth.[/QUOTE] do men somehow not have to compromise their work when it comes to finding a good woman? and no i'm not saying it means it's going to happen and not at any specific age, i'm saying that if someone is going to go after a woman based largely on her looks and youth it's not likely he's going to be a long-term relationship kinda guy when women generally lose (in some peoples opinions) their looks as they age (and obviously lose their youth)
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918258][url]http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/08/26/why-a-womans-age-at-time-of-marriage-matters-and-what-this-tells-us-about-the-apex-fallacy/[/url] [editline]15th February 2014[/editline] under 20 is a higher divorce rate obviously[/QUOTE] Sorry dude, but wordpress?
[QUOTE=Appellation;43918272]Sorry dude, but wordpress?[/QUOTE] sorry dude, but they have citations?
[QUOTE=Appellation;43918272]Sorry dude, but wordpress?[/QUOTE] The statistics are taken from NHCS (National center for health statistics).
[QUOTE=Comcastic;43918244]I understand what you're saying, and I agree with you to a certain extent. However the fact is that physical attraction and youth play a major role in the spark of a relationship, just because they are in their 20s doesn't mean that will lead into an unstable relationship. However, if you manage to pull up statistics showing people who marry in their 20s are much more likely to divorce than any other age group, I will gladly retract my statement.[/QUOTE] not sure if this is enough for you but w/e [url]http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-myth-of-the-high-rate-of-divorce/00011473[/url] The key is that the research shows that starting in the 1980s education, specifically a college degree for women, began to create a substantial divergence in marital outcomes, with the divorce rate for college-educated women dropping to about 20 percent, half the rate for non-college educated women. Even this is more complex, since the non-college educated women marry younger and are poorer than their college grad peers. These two factors, age at marriage and income level, have strong relationships to divorce rates; the older the partners and the higher the income, the more likely the couple stays married. Obviously, getting a college degree is reflected in both these factors.
i feel like i might be coming off as a bit hostile so i just wanna say i don't disagree with you guys about not focusing hugely on a career, i'm a huge proponent of focusing on just being happy rather than grinding a job and trying to get as much money and all that, but i'm hugely against the idea that it's specifically women that should be making these compromises and women that have to land a husband etc etc.
[QUOTE=Mr. Scorpio;43918323]not sure if this is enough for you but w/e [URL]http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-myth-of-the-high-rate-of-divorce/00011473[/URL] The key is that the research shows that starting in the 1980s education, specifically a college degree for women, began to create a substantial divergence in marital outcomes, with the divorce rate for college-educated women dropping to about 20 percent, half the rate for non-college educated women. Even this is more complex, since the non-college educated women marry younger and are poorer than their college grad peers. These two factors, age at marriage and income level, have strong relationships to divorce rates; the older the partners and the higher the income, the more likely the couple stays married. Obviously, getting a college degree is reflected in both these factors.[/QUOTE] Interesting, I'll read into the link. However does this site have a legitimate source? It also states this: "Of course, this has its flip side, that the women who marry younger and divorce more frequently are predominately black and Hispanic women from poorer environments. The highest divorce rate, exceeding 50 percent, is for black women in high-poverty areas. These women clearly face extraordinary challenges and society would do well to find ways to reduce not just teen pregnancies but early marriages among the poor and develop programs that train and educate the poor. Those will not only delay marriage but provide the educational and financial foundation required to increase the probability of a marriage being successful. Early marriage, early pregnancy, early divorce is a cycle of broken families that contributes significantly to maintaining poverty. The cost to our society is enormous." However, many of the sources do state that divorce rates decrease, as the ages increase. So it appears you may just be right.
I'm totally with lachzor on this one. Having a family be your thing is great if that's what you want to do, but the implication that you need to compromise your own desires and dreams in order to appeal to some imaginary gallery of male suitors is monstrous. If you want to focus on work, then you'll either find a guy who's okay with that or you won't. I'm no expert here. I'm a simple man. But I would assume that an ideal relationship does not involve one person putting their dreams and desires entirely beneath the desires of another.
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918258]do men somehow not have to compromise their work when it comes to finding a good woman? and no i'm not saying it means it's going to happen and not at any specific age, i'm saying that if someone is going to go after a woman based largely on her looks and youth it's not likely he's going to be a long-term relationship kinda guy when women generally lose (in some peoples opinions) their looks as they age (and obviously lose their youth)[/QUOTE] How is this relevant? Your source has 25 & up as the top bracket, so fear that they only like your youth should die out by your late twenties. The topic is on women in their 30s where like it or not, it becomes a lot harder for women. [QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918353]i feel like i might be coming off as a bit hostile so i just wanna say i don't disagree with you guys about not focusing hugely on a career, i'm a huge proponent of focusing on just being happy rather than grinding a job and trying to get as much money and all that, but i'm hugely against the idea that it's specifically women that should be making these compromises and women that have to land a husband etc etc.[/QUOTE] Relationships are hard, it takes a lot of work on both sides to make it work and you can't just push it all off and say men should be doing all the heavy lifting in a reciprocal relationship. Even worse, a man can make sacrifices to get a good woman, but you expect men to also make sacrifices so their women get good men? That's not feminism, that's just stupid.
[QUOTE=Devodiere;43918425]How is this relevant? Your source has 25 & up as the top bracket, so fear that they only like your youth should die out by your late twenties. The topic is on women in their 30s where like it or not, it becomes a lot harder for women. Relationships are hard, it takes a lot of work on both sides to make it work and you can't just push it all off and say men should be doing all the heavy lifting in a reciprocal relationship. Even worse, a man can make sacrifices to get a good woman, but you expect men to also make sacrifices so their women get good men? That's not feminism, that's just stupid.[/QUOTE] there's more than just 1 graph. and ughhhh why is it you're able to interpret ALL SORTS of shit from what this woman blatantly said yet make the most simplistic interpretation of what i say? couldn't have anything to do with what she was saying being sexist. i'm saying a woman shouldn't be expected to act any sort of way other than what she wishes just because she is a woman. that's what i'm saying. and she certainly shouldn't have to compromise on how she wants to live her life for the benefit of men especially not men who are only looking for young and dumb women for a root
[QUOTE=Devodiere;43918425]How is this relevant? Your source has 25 & up as the top bracket, so fear that they only like your youth should die out by your late twenties. The topic is on women in their 30s where like it or not, it becomes a lot harder for women. Relationships are hard, it takes a lot of work on both sides to make it work and you can't just push it all off and say men should be doing all the heavy lifting in a reciprocal relationship. Even worse, a man can make sacrifices to get a good woman, but you expect men to also make sacrifices so their women get good men? That's not feminism, that's just stupid.[/QUOTE] What the hell are you talking about? It's no different for guys. If you're a guy and your work is your life, you should probably find someone who's okay with that. A relationship should never be a choke chain that keeps you from being who you want to be, on either side.
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918464]there's more than just 1 graph. and ughhhh why is it you're able to interpret ALL SORTS of shit from what this woman blatantly said yet make the most simplistic interpretation of what i say? couldn't have anything to do with what she was saying being sexist. i'm saying a woman shouldn't be expected to act any sort of way other than what she wishes just because she is a woman. that's what i'm saying. and she certainly shouldn't have to compromise on how she wants to live her life for the benefit of men especially not men who are only looking for young and dumb women for a root[/QUOTE] "Just because she's a woman" isn't what I'm saying, I'm saying that it's a fact of reality that she's not entitled to a perfect man and a perfect job for any reason, and she has to make it work herself rather than push it onto other people. Now you think you can respond to that rather than rant on something unrelated? [QUOTE=Mr. Scorpio;43918466]What the hell are you talking about? It's no different for guys. If you're a guy and your work is your life, you should probably find someone who's okay with that. A relationship should never be a choke chain that keeps you from being who you want to be, on either side.[/QUOTE] I agree that guys have the same thing, but just as it's not an easy task for them to find someone suited to them working triple overtime, it's not easy for women either. Not talking about giving up a career just so your partner feels better either, just that working on a relationship and getting happiness there can take away from a job and slow you down. If this argument is just about everyone misinterpreting each other, it wouldn't be the first.
[QUOTE=Devodiere;43918544]"Just because she's a woman" isn't what I'm saying, I'm saying that it's a fact of reality that she's not entitled to a perfect man and a perfect job for any reason, and she has to make it work herself rather than push it onto other people. Now you think you can respond to that rather than rant on something unrelated? I agree that guys have the same thing, but just as it's not an easy task for them to find someone suited to them working triple overtime, it's not easy for women either. Not talking about giving up a career just so your partner feels better either, just that working on a relationship and getting happiness there can take away from a job and slow you down. If this argument is just about everyone misinterpreting each other, it wouldn't be the first.[/QUOTE] except this whole thing is about forcing it on women to have to make sacrifices in their career, having to start husband hunting when they're in their 20s to play on mens attractions to youth and literally saying that men will be emasculated by women more successful than them or women as smart as them?
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918579]except this whole thing is about forcing it on women to have to make sacrifices in their career, having to start husband hunting when they're in their 20s to play on mens attractions to youth and literally saying that men will be emasculated by women more successful than them or women as smart as them?[/QUOTE] I stated what I believe the reasons for starting early are previously, and an attraction to youth isn't one of them. The others fall under the issue of finding a good man who isn't emasculated or stupid, making it a difficult search. The real question though is, what are you going to do about it? You can't push all the work onto other people and claim "I'm a woman, I should be able to have a career and a family" simply willing it into existence. If you want a family and a career it requires balance, and such balance is easier to achieve young when gaining a partner is easier.
[QUOTE=Devodiere;43918656]I stated what I believe the reasons for starting early are previously, and an attraction to youth isn't one of them. The others fall under the issue of finding a good man who isn't emasculated or stupid, making it a difficult search. The real question though is, what are you going to do about it? You can't push all the work onto other people and claim "I'm a woman, I should be able to have a career and a family" simply willing it into existence. If you want a family and a career it requires balance, and such balance is easier to achieve young when gaining a partner is easier.[/QUOTE] personally i think the whole idea of 'husband hunting' is incredibly stupid. you shouldn't seek to start a family, if you find someone you think you love and they love you and you think you can create a stable family together and both want to then go for it.
[QUOTE=Gwoodman;43914110]Come to my shop for a 10% discount on Husbands with huge pecs[/QUOTE] Is the offer extended to same sex couples?
[QUOTE=Lachz0r;43918674]personally i think the whole idea of 'husband hunting' is incredibly stupid. you shouldn't seek to start a family, if you find someone you think you love and they love you and you think you can create a stable family together and both want to then go for it.[/QUOTE] So to women who want a family and kids, you tell them that's stupid and they'll just find someone they love one of these days? People don't live forever and women talk about their biological clock ticking for a reason. What happens when things don't fall into place, men don't do all the work for you, and your chances of getting a family are looking slimmer? You would just disregard all of that because it doesn't fit your ideal? Am I understanding right, the article talks about how to get a family and a career far easier by searching young, and your objection is that they shouldn't search at all, just wait for true love?
[QUOTE=Devodiere;43918765]So to women who want a family and kids, you tell them that's stupid and they'll just find someone they love one of these days? People don't live forever and women talk about their biological clock ticking for a reason. What happens when things don't fall into place, men don't do all the work for you, and your chances of getting a family are looking slimmer? You would just disregard all of that because it doesn't fit your ideal? Am I understanding right, the article talks about how to get a family and a career far easier by searching young, and your objection is that they shouldn't search at all, just wait for true love?[/QUOTE] You have a really strange grasp of how human interaction works. There is no binary choice between HUSBAND SEARCH 0 OR 1. Get this, you can like, meet with people because meeting with people is just a cool thing to do and will probably help you do whatever it is you want to do regardless of the field, and maybe(just maybe) in the course of that you'll find someone who doesn't want you to toss out your dreams of being a neurosurgeon or whatever because you wouldn't be home to clean the bathroom and make sandwiches often enough. And maybe if you can't find a single person who likes you for who you are, isn't categorically against the idea of hooking up with someone who isn't a decade younger than he is, and has a lifestyle and personality that meshes with your own at least enough that you don't feel like being around him is hamstringing your life no matter how far and wide you search then maybe none of the men you know are worth marrying to begin with. You're right, relationships are about give and take. And if your career means a lot to you then anyone you hook up with will have to be able to work with that.
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