The Sex Recession - AKA Millenials should be having more sex
297 replies, posted
I have a SO whom I love and they love me, we both have plenty of time and energy to fuck between us,
but...
My sex drive just does not exist hardly. Often times I just see it as a chore with a few minutes of feeling physically good but it doesn't last beyond that and it feels too fleeting to be enjoyed because I don't get anything... tangibly permanant out of it? I'm not sure, it's really hard to explain how I feel about it.
In short, there's a million other things I'd rather be doing instead to entertain myself with more "immediate results/instant feedback" and such that make my ADHD riddled brain happy. Sex just doesn't do that for me, for whatever reason. If I force myself to try, I just get extremely fucking pissed and ruin it. Have tried everything reasonable to spice it up. Works once, then never again.
It's frustrating because a relationship without sex is one that can't last unless both parties feel the same way about it and I am not in one of those situations. It causes issues between us occasionally and it really adds to my already existing immense amounts of self-loathing and feelings of worthlessness.
I've definitely felt for a number of years now that we are really undersexed. It's frustrating as hell, since whether it be more serious/monogamous or more casual/open, I think it would chill a lot of out and bring us together more.
I'm 25, turning 26 in January, but it feels like sex/relationships came easier when I was 19-23. Had a dry spell in between 23-25. Most of my life I wanted to be monogamous and always dated with the intention of things becoming serious and them being my "girlfriend". The issue I found was nobody I dated wanted to be labeled a "girlfriend", even despite wanting to continue dating and for the most part, keeping me as their main focus at least.
So in the past 1-1.5yrs or so, I sort of changed my attitude to be more open to casual sex/relationships. It makes sense to me anyway, since I'm at a point in my life that I may move or take on certain work that might affect how easily I could keep seeing that person. Plus, I figure there are a lot other uncertain singles out there, so all the more, people like the idea of not being tied down until it makes sense.
But let me tell you, changing that approach when using OkCupid hasn't made things any easier. If anything, I seem to be finding nearly as many profiles with girls looking for serious love. A lot of the casual girls are not as easy to get a response from either, even despite having some good matching interest (or high match % in OKC's case). I definitely try to look at myself and wonder what I can improve, but at least going by past experience, I know I'm not undateable. I like to blame my area a lot, since it's not the most populated state, but I know it's not quite that simple.
Sky-high standards is definitely another growing issue, I believe. It's hard to not be hard on oneself, even after having already dated more than a few girls. The claim that women focus more on older men that can offer resources and potentially support children, while men focus more on youthful and healthy women isn't such a far fetched idea. I don't think it has become such an extreme thing that if you're not X or if you don't have X you have no chance. Again, going by personal experience, not having a shitton of income and living with my parents hasn't fully stopped me from dating. But I damn well know it doesn't help either. To the extent that I kind of only pursue people in waves (like 1-2 month periods), so I guess that ultimately is why a lot of people like me aren't doing it as much. Too many of us are in volatile portions of our lives, where the instability is enough to make as feel less comfortable/less confident in being in a committed relationship. Then it's also possible casual dating means we might only date for short timeframes, instead of a more consistent long term duration. Those are my best conclusions.
By buy into lies peeps peddle to push their ideologies.
Average age gap in USA is 2.3 years overall. Even at older ages where the gap is larger its 4 or 5 years.
Peeps push that redpill shit to make you feel bad and angry, for your own sake, don't let them.
its not quite as bad for me, I'm doing lab quality assurance and research but we get strongly leaned on by management for the production side of things too often.
For the past 2 years I've avoided relationships coz they make me question myself wayyy to much and resulted in a big drop is self esteem. Getting into another atm and hoping the pattern doesn't repeat itself.
I know they have quite specific beliefs, and my own experiences have counteracted their claims. But at the same time I find it kind of hard to disagree, in a general sense. It' still really complicated though, because there are some many different motivations to cause people to date the way they date. I sort of feel lucky for not having experienced the "pay for my dinner/drinks" culture quite so strictly, but I still get the general sense that paying for most or all of a date is less of an appreciated bonus and more of a unspoken requirement or something along those lines.
I guess I've just avoided dating girls that are very demanding? I don't know, that's why it's complicated to me. I do know with every girl I've dated, they love it when you go shopping with them. I hate to sound like I'm stereotyping, but even just buying one or two items for them, it doesn't have to be everything, makes them like you a lot more. I definitely get joy from that too, because it's giving them gifts basically. But my point is, it kind of supports the idea women like resources just as much as they like sex and all the other things in relationships.
I'm reading Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski and it's really helping me. However, this thread has given me a lot to think about.
Books about empowering women in their sexuality and encouraging them to rethink dumb bullshit are just shy of commonplace (I'm talking about healthy stuff, not insane Cosmo articles). However, and I don't know if this is just because I'm not the target audience, but I don't see the same for men.
I see a lot of books claiming to teach men how to get laid, how to get relationships, how to land 'the one,' but not about appreciating themselves for what they are, not about teaching them the actual facts of their body, not about natural their bodies really are. Most of what I see directed towards men is still teaching men how to base their self-worth on the kind of women they get, how much sex they're having, etc. just basically encouraging men to think about themselves through the lens of attaining goods, and not through the lens of attaining self-actualization. Or something. Is any of this making sense?
My point is that maybe people are having less sex because we're exposed to more bullshit than ever before. Bullshit about our bodies, how we should act, the roles we should play in society, etc. along with increasing workloads for decreasing pay. But while I see an effort for empowering women, I don't see the same for men and I think that's really unfortunate.
I don't actually know what the standard of attractive is for either gender anymore. I don't see many bookish girls on Tinder anymore - mainly festival chicks. So many drunk girls on Tinder. So many.
I used to have a sort of smart charm that appealed to women two years ago and yet now I look a lot better and have more weight on me and I've had sex with one girl in the past two months. Girls on Tinder just do not want to talk anymore. I blame the internet because now it's so hard to have anything in common with anybody. There are girls on there with 2005-era 4chan memes. I did not expect this to be the social climate.
Everybody's really sarcastic, too. I just want a girl who has a five year plan, £500 invested in Procter & Gamble and the tendency to like hanging indoors with a blanket. Not all these faux-intelligent wannabe-deadpan snarkers that I see everywhere no- oh, that's why I don't get laid much anymore.
If you avoid the 'Red Pilled' MRAs, that's generally what the non-batshit MRAs want. They just want a healthy examination and even celebration of different forms of masculinity and through several studies have shown, Women don't want.
There have been several key studies, that even if you remove the 'protection racket' that is often touted about by sexist dipshits, women will want man larger, stronger, smarter and wealthier than them. Here comes the problem? That strength comes from working long hours and those long hours don't pay like they used to. That intelligence? Men are dropping out of highschool in massive numbers, within 10 years most fields will be predominately women excepting for a few STEM fields involving computers. Men by and large are just abandoning society, our suicide rate is exploding.
And then you throw in this bullshit alt-right, redpill, incel jank bullshit and you can see that the 'manosphere' is in complete fucking disarray and the only voices breaking through are people like Roosh V and Jordan Pederson who both provide nothing healthy when it comes to looking at social issues.
As a guy, its nightmarish to see because I know for dating, if I even come off with a single iota of any of that jank which is something I will because I grew up on the internet, its part of who I am, women will turn away. I used to date a lot, but I've since stopped after the last 3 used me as their emotional, physical and spiritual punching bag to let loose all their own pent up aggression.
I'm tired.
I'll report back when I'm done getting ripped and let you know how much sex I'm not having
And then on top of that our society has sped up so quickly that a lot of the guys, like myself, who are slow burners are left on the back burner because what woman wants to put up with putting the investment in to find out what a guy is like?
I'm sure there's a multitude of reasons why it's hard to have a relationship, and frankly I may be speaking from ignorance here as I've not been part of the dating pool for close to a decade, but what people want from other people isn't really a mystery. We all do really truly want similar things. I think the issue might be expectations on both parties ends. I've known some guys who really truly believe they deserve to have a model as a girlfriend, but put no effort into themselves. I've known some women who think they deserve men who are wealthy, strong, and capable but don't particularly want to offer anything on their end.
Peoples expectations of others is probably changing in an unhealthy way, but it shouldn't be, as what we actually want isn't really any different than before.
People are afraid to feeling any negative feeling. I get socially uncomfortable all the time, but I push through anyways and force myself to do things I dread.
I was really awkward with a co-worker I was attracted to, but I persisted and force myself to talk to her until i got comfortable. Then we went on a date and hooked up, you just have to make it through the awkwardness.
Russia isn't communist and China is barely communist
You should really see a GP and get a hormone panel blood test done. Its easy to be dismissive of a sex drive as being unimportant, but a lack of one is usually indicative of a far more pernicious problem.
What's up in Vietnam
I just got home from the pub after talking to a nice girl who seemed interested. I have work at 4am tomorrow so i left before it could go any further. When i come home from work i'll be too tired and just do house hold chores until bedtime, when i wake up i'll spend the rest of the weekend working on my part-time degree until work again on Monday. I'm extremely reluctant to get in a relationship that i have no time to spend on, and i know loads of people in the same boat.
Bonin =|= breedin'. Contraceptives are lovely inventions that make it where you can enjoy the fun part without the 18 years of absolute hell that is child rearing.
Idk i met this lovely girl on tinder back in august and while we physically haven’t been able to meet up (she goes to school an hour and a half away) we’re essentially dating at this point. Shes a big history person which is perfect for me, if you couldn’t tell
i’m sorry so many of you have had bad luck
Incredible women. I dont want to invite pile ons from Those That Know Better From the Safety of Their Keyboards In Mom's House, so I'll just say if you had told me relationships could be this good before I came here, Id tell you cynically that you were smoking that good shit, and now I can honestly say good riddance to the horribly neurotic and dysfunctional western dating scene. I've lived and travelled in a lot of this big dumb rock, and I especially won't miss dating in Australia or the UK.
I dislike kids and I strongly dislike being around them. They're noisy, messy, annoying and dangerous. Sure, adults are that way but they have self-control which kids do not.
Plus I have autism and my kid would definitely inherit it. I'm not sure I want to raise them as a socially-anxious mess like me. I wouldn't know how to help them. Plus I don't trust myself with the
responsibility and can't afford it. Children can break relationships. Why do you think so many divorces happen after having kids?
Granted, I wouldn't exist if my grandma wasn't a dumbass by marrying at 19 and having a kid at 20. People were incredibly dumb back then.
I mean since birth control came around sex/long-term relationships don't exactly equate to popping out kids. I'm seeing a lot of couples go DINK (dual income no kids). Serious long term couples go for vasectomies or whatever permanent options exist for women so there's no risk of a pregnancy. Even if you aren't sure if you want to make a permanent choice on kids that's why condoms and BC exist.
With that said... for all the reasons you've just described I can't trust anyone I'm with to be 100% telling the truth about being on BC or not. If they're lying and get pregnant there's basically nothing the man can do and they're doomed to be a parent or providing alimony and child support forever. Women at least get the option of abortion or adoption once they're pregnant if they don't want to be a parent after an unwanted pregnancy.
That's how my cousin was conceived.
Mum's sister was jealous of her having me, so she decided to stop taking her birth control and not tell her husband.
Thankfully he wasn't fundamentally opposed to them having a family, and it all worked out in the end. But still, the principle of the matter is 50 shades of fucked up, in my opinion.
Basically this, yeah. I'm not gonna trust anyone who says they're using BC considering how sociopathic people have become. Especially when the Duluth model is still alive, kicking and discriminating.
I spent the waking years of my adolescent and early adult life feeling subhuman for being a kissless virgin. Like, everyone else is getting with someone, and I was being left behind.
Years later, I've accepted my situation as being a product of a completely garbage methodology towards getting girls. Not only that, but a flawed outlook on relationships in general.
My social skills are lightyears ahead of what they were even just two years ago. Retail and management experience took care of that. There's more people out there who are happy to talk to you than you think. In many cases, a simple smile is everything.
But most importantly, these days, I've just stopped chasing. I just don't see the use in shoehorning myself into someone's life if we haven't got any chemistry. The way I see it, sex without an emotional connection is meaningless. Same reason why I've never bothered with Tinder. Hearing everyone else's struggles with it just made it look like a giant, emotionally draining waste of fucking time.
Not only that, but a few of my friends relationships seem to have spending money on eachother as a major component. I just don't want that. I'd rather hold out for a girl who sees through that shit, and doesn't base the health of the relationship on how much money I spend on her.
Don't get me wrong, celibacy and loneliness sucks. Especially with so much media focus on couples. But the way I see it, sometimes you gotta get through all the years of loneliness in order to truly appreciate healthy love when it finally comes.
If I can get married as the fat nerd I am you can too.
That's why I intend to use condoms 100 percent of the time if/when I finally meet someone. And if it works out and years down the line we're still going strong, I'll get a vascetomy - cause I have no interest in passing down my genes, and I figure if I ever decide I want to raise a kid, there's tons of them already out there who need parents. I assume whoever I end up with will feel the same way, otherwise the relationship will never work long term anyway.
I can't help but always read the V as a roman 5. It sounds like a Star Wars planet.
We found the Rebel base on Roosh V.
P much. Near Asia is awesome, as human beings actually engage in sex instead of whining about appropriation of culture on the internets.
Near Asia is also a developing area where having as many kids as possible is a viable strategy to make sure your end of life care is take care of.
And their standards are far lower than that of even impoverish Chinese citizens. So yeah, sure, you'll be having a lot of sex but its not really even the healthy kind. But like a lot of things, you're posting out of your ass.
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