Cuckolding can be positive for some couples, study says - Sensationalist Headlines

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;53084376]To rephrase: I wouldn't want to associate with someone with the fetish in the first place. I [I]definitely[/I] would walk away from anyone who entertained the idea with me instead of suppressing it. There is nothing wrong with that. Why would I stay with someone who had the gall to ask a question that, given my hypothetical relationship with them, they [I]should know[/I] would hurt just to hear? Why even, for my partner's sake, would I stay with them if I have zero interest in entertaining their desires no matter what? Regardless, my point still stands. People have limited control over their personality, and even less over physical characteristics, and [I]everyone[/I] has preferences they won't compromise on in those categories.[/QUOTE] This really depends on what your partner thinks about it. If they [I]really[/I] desire some cuckoldry or something, and won't be satisfied without sprinkling it in, yeah you should probably end the relationship. But don't ask them to suppress their thoughts and wants, honestly that's a prelude to an abusive and miserable relationship (not suggesting that about you. but it's a necessary precursor.)

[QUOTE=thelurker1234;53084419]it's a necessary precursor[/QUOTE] I disagree, I think that any relationship in which open and honest communication is suppressed is necessarily abusive (at least emotionally) and/or miserable for at least one of the parties. Your partner should NEVER fear sharing their thoughts with you. Ever. They're just thoughts, they're not real, and more than that, not voicing them absolutely does not make them go away.

What do you expect me to do? Say "Never," and then sit around with the can of worms they've opened? If my partner doesn't respect the idea that there are things I simply do not want to talk about—and it can extend to other things, too, like past traumas—and then they go ahead and disrespect my wishes, then they are knowingly wronging me. More important than knowing and fulfilling your partner's desires is to understand their boundaries and sensitivities. There's nothing wrong with mine being more distinct and impermeable than others. And it's not as if I refuse any talk about fantasy, but there are places I am diametrically opposed to stepping foot in.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;53084453]What do you expect me to do? Say "Never," and then sit around with the can of worms they've opened? If my partner doesn't respect the idea that there are things I simply do not want to talk about—and it can extend to other things, too, like past traumas—and then they go ahead and disrespect my wishes, then they are knowingly wronging me. More important than knowing and fulfilling your partner's desires is to understand their boundaries and sensitivities. There's nothing wrong with mine being more distinct and impermeable than others. And it's not as if I refuse any talk about fantasy, but there are places I am diametrically opposed to stepping foot in.[/QUOTE]How is that fair to them? You act as if them coming and talking to you is the end of the world. Why is it so wrong for them to be open and honest with you? Why should they keep things bottled up just to please you? Isn't that selfish? This isn't talking about past trauma, it's sexual fantasies.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;53084453]What do you expect me to do? Say "Never," and then sit around with the can of worms they've opened? If my partner doesn't respect the idea that there are things I simply do not want to talk about—and it can extend to other things, too, like past traumas—and then they go ahead and disrespect my wishes, then they are knowingly wronging me. More important than knowing and fulfilling your partner's desires is to understand their boundaries and sensitivities. There's nothing wrong with mine being more distinct and impermeable than others. And it's not as if I refuse any talk about fantasy, but there are places I am diametrically opposed to stepping foot in.[/QUOTE] Being open enough with your partner that you can talk about what satisfies you, emotionally and sexually, is extremely important to any relationship. If your partner suggests something to you that you don't want to do, it's normal to feel insecure, like they want something that you aren't giving them. But you need to talk about that, work through it, and figure out what's best for both of you. You have to make sure you're both on the same page, and that your differences are reconciled. And if they can't be reconciled, you need to know that for sure, rather than letting it fester in a relationship that can never be truly satisfying to one or both parties. Things your partner wants out of a relationship really should not be as taboo as past trauma. Not to make any assumptions about your relationship, but in general I would say that's kind of a red flag.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;53084453]What do you expect me to do? Say "Never," and then sit around with the can of worms they've opened? If my partner doesn't respect the idea that there are things I simply do not want to talk about—and it can extend to other things, too, like past traumas—and then they go ahead and disrespect my wishes, then they are knowingly wronging me. More important than knowing and fulfilling your partner's desires is to understand their boundaries and sensitivities. There's nothing wrong with mine being more distinct and impermeable than others. And it's not as if I refuse any talk about fantasy, but there are places I am diametrically opposed to stepping foot in.[/QUOTE] What can of worms, exactly? Serious question. If your partner knows that they can talk to you about anything, then you can nip stuff like this in the bud and find ways to fulfill their desires in a method that you are comfortable with. If they feel like they can come to you and ask you about anything, then you'll be able to prevent frustration and angst damaging your relationship and leading to things like, well, actual cheating. I'm not sure what the actual stats are, but the stereotypical cheating scenario typically ends with the one who was cheating admitting that they felt like their partner was inadequately providing for them sexually. Knowing boundaries is important for acting on desires... not for sharing thoughts or asking questions. I know that my girlfriend is okay with me doing stuff to her sexually while she's asleep, so it's okay for me to wake her up with head even though she is at that time not capable of consent. Similarly, I know that she [I]isn't[/I] okay with me taking pictures of her naked while she's asleep, so I don't. With that being said, she absolutely would not be mad at me if I asked if she would be okay with it... because why would she be? As long as I'm not badgering her about it, what possible reason would she get mad at me for? [editline]26th January 2018[/editline] [QUOTE=Luafox;53084503]Just wanted to say that I appriciate many of your posts in this thread, they seem to have a healthy look on the matter and I agree. On the thread topic I don't really have much to say other than kinkshaming is kinda dum since people can't help what their fetishes are, you can of course choose what you act on. But many fetishes can be done consensually and with proper aftercare and it's no surprise that that this act can be healthy, as long as it doesnt turn into an unhealthy obsession or something actually dangerous. The thread title kinda reads like "water is wet" even if I don't understand the fetish myself. I guess my stance on it is live and let live as long as no one is actually hurt.[/QUOTE] I'm glad to hear that they're being appreciated by someone. I legitimately believe that open communication is somewhat of a "magic bullet" that can make literally every single relationship, intimate or not, better. It won't fix everything, it won't make all relationships [I]way[/I] better, but I literally cannot think of a situation in which it wouldn't help as long as your honesty is actually honest and not designed to be cutting (if it's being honest about a problem). Even with people who you honestly really dislike, if you open an honest channel of communication with them you can typically work out your differences to the point where you both hate being around each other less. Describing how you feel about a situation in terms of "I feel X" hasn't worked out poorly for me a single time ever, even on extremely political and divisive topics.

[QUOTE=Gwoodman;53084205]It's the definition of a cuck, what baseless assumption?[/QUOTE] The study is very clear about what specifically it examined: [QUOTE=Study introduction]Troilism is a little studied paraphilia described as the ‘‘sharing of a sexual partner with another person while one looks on, after which the onlooker may or may not share the sexual partner’’(Smith, 1976, p. 586). ‘‘Cuckolding’’ is the colloquial term for one contemporary form of troilism in which a man obtains sexual arousal from the sight or experience of his wife or girlfriend engaging in sexual activity with another man. Whereas the term cuckold historically referred to a man unknowingly married to an adulterous woman, the modern cuckold is aware that his wife is having sex with other men and offers his consent and encouragement. This behavior is not a form of cheating; rather, it is a variant of consensual non-monogamy (Rubin, Moors, Matsick, Ziegler, & Conley, 2014). However, the practice and fantasy of cuckolding are distinct from other forms of consensual non-monogamy (e.g., swinging, open relationships), as well as the practice of group sex, due to the cuckold taking on a submissive, disempowered, and largely voyeuristic role in both the experience and fantasy.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=phygon;53084247]But as far as I can tell, the appeal of cuckoldry comes solely from the fact that it [I]is[/I] something that you care about, because otherwise it'd just be a standard open relationship. Then again, my view of cuckoldry as a fetish largely comes from people spamming various online boards with cuck porn for the last few years, and they probably aren't posting representative works.[/QUOTE] One of the authors of the study agrees with this, as quoted in the article: [I]""It's not cuckolding if there isn't an element of humiliation, degradation or denial," he said. "Our erotic imaginations have the ability to turn shame lemons into delicious kink lemonade.""[/I]

[QUOTE=phygon;53084172]I mean, I somewhat understand the angle. I'm not aware of any other fetish that relies on you holding something valuable, viewing it as essential to your relationship... and then violating that thing. Jerking off to 13 year old anime girls or dogs doesn't really have the same real-world implications. I'm not saying that it's bad or wrong or anything, but I do understand why some people might view it as worse than other fetishes.[/QUOTE] Isn't that basically virginity fetishisation?

Fucking hell imagine having your girlfriend being railed in-front of you and pretending its alright hahaha

I will say, I wonder why there is so much public discourse on cuckolding now. Like, we've had internet and porn several decades now, why is cuckolding [I]now[/I] entering the public imagination / being popular. Also side note, does anyone else think incest porn is way more popular now than its ever been before? I feel like I see it everywhere now. thats pretty interesting sociologically i think

[QUOTE=Flameon;53084760]I will say, I wonder why there is so much public discourse on cuckolding now. Like, we've had internet and porn several decades now, why is cuckolding [I]now[/I] entering the public imagination / being popular. Also side note, does anyone else think incest porn is way more popular now than its ever been before? I feel like I see it everywhere now. thats pretty interesting sociologically i think[/QUOTE] Some asshole made a wish about incest becoming mainstream and now we all have to deal with the consequences

Honestly? I don't personally understand cucking but I fail to see how it's different from any other fetish. [editline]27th January 2018[/editline] Unless you're worried your girlfriend is gonna run off with other guys just because of good sex, in which case you probably have self-esteem issues. [editline]27th January 2018[/editline] [QUOTE=Flameon;53084760]I will say, I wonder why there is so much public discourse on cuckolding now. Like, we've had internet and porn several decades now, why is cuckolding [I]now[/I] entering the public imagination / being popular. Also side note, does anyone else think incest porn is way more popular now than its ever been before? I feel like I see it everywhere now. thats pretty interesting sociologically i think[/QUOTE] Yeah I've noticed it everywhere too. At least on PornHub a fucklode of it's coming from a single studio, "Family Therapy".

[QUOTE=Thechuz1337;53084739]Fucking hell imagine having your girlfriend being railed in-front of you and pretending its alright hahaha[/QUOTE] I did, and I didn't like it. Some do, though.

I wonder to what extent consumer fetishes produce porn content, or to what extent studios producing porn shapes consumer fetishes

Like its one of those kinks where yeah the jokes are cute now and then "hah hah, get fucking cucked" but then some of you guys are unironically going "yeah that's fucked up, what's wrong with you" and it's pretty cringey/creepy to think like that. Like, why tf do you care to say that.

Joe Rogan shared this on Facebook; the comment section was hilarious to say the least.

[QUOTE=Flameon;53084786]I wonder to what extent consumer fetishes produce porn content, or to what extent studios producing porn shapes consumer fetishes[/QUOTE] A high extent. Look at femdom porn. The dudes who actually want women to dominate them hate it, but the dudes willing to pay money for it love it.

[QUOTE=phygon;53084517]What can of worms, exactly? Serious question. If your partner knows that they can talk to you about anything, then you can nip stuff like this in the bud and find ways to fulfill their desires in a method that you are comfortable with. If they feel like they can come to you and ask you about anything, then you'll be able to prevent frustration and angst damaging your relationship and leading to things like, well, actual cheating. I'm not sure what the actual stats are, but the stereotypical cheating scenario typically ends with the one who was cheating admitting that they felt like their partner was inadequately providing for them sexually. Knowing boundaries is important for acting on desires... not for sharing thoughts or asking questions. I know that my girlfriend is okay with me doing stuff to her sexually while she's asleep, so it's okay for me to wake her up with head even though she is at that time not capable of consent. Similarly, I know that she [I]isn't[/I] okay with me taking pictures of her naked while she's asleep, so I don't. With that being said, she absolutely would not be mad at me if I asked if she would be okay with it... because why would she be? As long as I'm not badgering her about it, what possible reason would she get mad at me for?[/QUOTE] Funny you mention cheating, because that's the reason I even care about this topic in the first place. That's also why it's wrong to assume "past trauma" and hating fetishes like these aren't necessarily intertwined. That said, in my case, what am I supposed to do if there is no "fulfilling their desires in a way you are both comfortable with"? You can't go half-way in tossing out exclusivity. That's the whole point, in fact. I don't want to be with someone who would put their desires before the principles of monogamy that I hold paramount. If they suggest we do something like that, then it shows that their values regarding monogamy are irreconcilable with mine. After it's out in the open, then suddenly I'm aware about this urge of theirs that every fiber in my being would prevent me from satisfying, and that I will never compromise on. Relationships with people who hold values antithetical to everything you believe in won't work in the first place. If my wife wants to hold me down or tie me up or something along those lines, no issue exists so long as she's completely gentle: those things are of no importance to me. They don't concern any values or feelings of mine. But if she wants something that she [I]knows[/I] goes against every fiber of my being, then she has to make the choice. A woman can't fall for a Muslim man and realistically expect that she won't have to convert if he holds his religion dear. If she loves him enough, then she can have him. If her own religious values override her fixation, then she must choose to leave him. Assuming both of the two were born into their respective religions, then they really don't have much control over what they believe in unless they're willing to cast aside some qualities that were made fundamental to them during their formative years. Neither of them might be immediately aware of the religion of the other, either. It is the same exact principle for me. I expect total exclusivity. If somebody wants me, then they must be absolutely dedicated to total exclusivity. If, for some reason, and even if it's outside of their control, they are not, then I won't consider them. If they suggest I become a cuckold, then it shows, by definition, that they are not dedicated to that principle I hold paramount. Otherwise, they wouldn't have to bring it up. I wouldn't expect a very religious person to take kindly to their spouse one day up and suggesting they convert, and you shouldn't expect me to take kindly to my spouse one day up and suggesting that I [I]willingly[/I] throw myself back into a position that, to me, is no different from being used and abused. That said, I never entered a relationship with anybody without first letting them know what the ground rules were. If they wanted to "nip things in the bud," then they had the opportunity to do so right off the bat by leaving. I also never outright told anyone to "suppress this or leave." It was more like "if you're into this at all or you think you'll bring this or that up in the future, then leave now or forever hold your peace." Seriously though, how do you find a method "you are both comfortable with" when there's logically no compromise for something like this? Unless you mean doing something entirely unrelated, which is the only acceptable course of action when someone is that put off.

i don't know how i would feel if i was a dad and my son grew up into cuckoldry probably ashamed

[QUOTE=Flameon;53084786]I wonder to what extent consumer fetishes produce porn content, or to what extent studios producing porn shapes consumer fetishes[/QUOTE] probably simultaneously reinforcing. porn companies cater to a smaller group of people with certain fetishes, which get more views on porn sites from people outside the fetish, which then continues the cycle

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;53084794]A woman can't fall for a Muslim man and realistically expect that she won't have to convert if he holds his religion dear. If she loves him enough, then she can have him. If her own religious values override her fixation, then she must choose to leave him. Assuming both of the two were born into their respective religions, then they really don't have much control over what they believe in unless they're willing to cast aside some qualities that were made fundamental to them during their formative years. [/QUOTE] If you view the sexual component of your relationship as fundamentally identical to this then you probably have a really unhealthy view of sex.

[QUOTE=burgerdemon;53084797]i don't know how i would feel if i was a dad and my son grew up into cuckoldry probably ashamed[/QUOTE] A) Why would you care to know your son's kinks and B) why would you judge him for the ones he has [editline]26th January 2018[/editline] That's pretty creepy to be actively wondering what kind of sex your child will end up being into, tbh

[QUOTE=Radical_ed;53084819]If you view the sexual component of your relationship as fundamentally identical to this then you probably have a really unhealthy view of sex.[/QUOTE] It's not just about sex. It's about the tenets of monogamy and security through exclusivity. You can't simplify something like cuckolding down to "just a part of sex." I also explicitly said that I don't have reservations like this elsewhere.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;53084794]Funny you mention cheating, because that's the reason I even care about this topic in the first place. That's also why it's wrong to assume "past trauma" and hating fetishes like these aren't necessarily intertwined. That said, in my case, what am I supposed to do if there is no "fulfilling their desires in a way you are both comfortable with"? You can't go half-way in tossing out exclusivity. That's the whole point, in fact. I don't want to be with someone who would put their desires before the principles of monogamy that I hold paramount. If they suggest we do something like that, then it shows that their values regarding monogamy are irreconcilable with mine. After it's out in the open, then suddenly I'm aware about this urge of theirs that every fiber in my being would prevent me from satisfying, and that I will never compromise on. Relationships with people who hold values antithetical to everything you believe in won't work in the first place. If my wife wants to hold me down or tie me up or something along those lines, no issue exists so long as she's completely gentle: those things are of no importance to me. They don't concern any values or feelings of mine. But if she wants something that she [I]knows[/I] goes against every fiber of my being, then she has to make the choice. A woman can't fall for a Muslim man and realistically expect that she won't have to convert if he holds his religion dear. If she loves him enough, then she can have him. If her own religious values override her fixation, then she must choose to leave him. Assuming both of the two were born into their respective religions, then they really don't have much control over what they believe in unless they're willing to cast aside some qualities that were made fundamental to them during their formative years. Neither of them might be immediately aware of the religion of the other, either. It is the same exact principle for me. I expect total exclusivity. If somebody wants me, then they must be absolutely dedicated to total exclusivity. [B]If, for some reason, and even if it's outside of their control, they are not, then I won't consider them.[/B] If they suggest I become a cuckold, then it shows, by definition, that they are not dedicated to that principle I hold paramount. Otherwise, they wouldn't have to bring it up. I wouldn't expect a very religious person to take kindly to their spouse one day up and suggesting they convert, and you shouldn't expect me to take kindly to my spouse one day up and suggesting that I [I]willingly[/I] throw myself back into a position that, to me, is no different from being used and abused. That said, I never entered a relationship with anybody without first letting them know what the ground rules were. If they wanted to "nip things in the bud," then they had the opportunity to do so right off the bat by leaving. I also never outright told anyone to "suppress this or leave." It was more like "if you're into this at all or you think you'll bring this or that up in the future, then leave now or forever hold your peace." Seriously though, how do you find a method "you are both comfortable with" when there's logically no compromise for something like this? Unless you mean doing something entirely unrelated, which is the only acceptable course of action when someone is that put off.[/QUOTE] Maybe I'm reading this wrong but are you saying that if your girlfriend was raped you'd dump them?

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;53084839]It's not just about sex. It's about the tenets of monogamy and security through exclusivity. You can't simplify something like cuckolding down to "just a part of sex." I also explicitly said that I don't have reservations like this elsewhere.[/QUOTE] Yes, I can, because it is "just part of sex". Anything sexual is "just part of sex". Also, "security through exclusivity" reeks of sexual insecurity.

[QUOTE=squids_eye;53084843]Maybe I'm reading this wrong but are you saying that if your girlfriend was raped you'd dump them?[/QUOTE] You are reading that very wrong. Rape is a far cry from consensual sex. It's much more of an atrocity than anything else.

[QUOTE=LegndNikko;53084823]A) Why would you care to know your son's kinks and B) why would you judge him for the ones he has [editline]26th January 2018[/editline] That's pretty creepy to be actively wondering what kind of sex your child will end up being into, tbh[/QUOTE] How dare a man care about his children!? Imagine burgerdemon in his late years, happy to see his family again in a gathering and learning he became a grandfather just to find out that that kid isn't actually his grandchild because his son is a cuck and his wife got impregnated by some stranger in a gangbang and they don't even know who real father is. That's pretty damn sad...

[QUOTE=LegndNikko;53084823]A) Why would you care to know your son's kinks and B) why would you judge him for the ones he has [editline]26th January 2018[/editline] That's pretty creepy to be actively wondering what kind of sex your child will end up being into, tbh[/QUOTE] any responsible parent would care what if he's into kids

[QUOTE=Radical_ed;53084846]Yes, I can, because it is "just part of sex". Anything sexual is "just part of sex". Also, "security through exclusivity" reeks of sexual insecurity.[/QUOTE] No. That's what monogamy is. You cannot be a monogamist and not oppose losing sexual or intimate exclusivity in your relationship. Even then, so fucking what if I'm insecure (I'm not)? Does that mean I lose the privilege to a love life, or that I'm some little snoblet of an inferior man, or that I have to change myself and expose myself to things [I]I never want to see[/I] to get over something I don't want to get over?

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;53084839]It's not just about sex. It's about the tenets of monogamy and security through exclusivity. You can't simplify something like cuckolding down to "just a part of sex." I also explicitly said that I don't have reservations like this elsewhere.[/QUOTE]so, what about fantasies then. Is it horrible if you daydream about fucking the new hot girl at work just because you have a girlfriend, or is watching porn against that code? Where does the line of "this violates monogamy" cross because the key thing here is we aren't saying your s/o is insisting on swinging, but just discussing it.