Only 'thoughts and prayers' will stop evil behind shootings, Florida state senator says - Sensationalist Headlines

[QUOTE=BlackWolf97;53181196]Is he suggesting that the parents of the victims didn't pray for the safety of their children? Because his point could be really easily countered by them just saying, "we did that but it still happened"[/QUOTE] "you didn't pray hard enough or you weren't faithful enough or your children didn't worship god enough or it's all part of god's greater plan"

Wow, its like the opposite of an edgy teen. Never thought I'd ever see something like this.

[QUOTE=Derp123213;53180578]Off-topic, but I can't find the original tweet. Was it deleted?[/QUOTE] Looks like it [media]https://twitter.com/normsrespecter/status/964213094984626177[/media] [url]https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:AggLM1xyu44J:https://twitter.com/normsrespecter/status/964213094984626177+&cd=11&hl=nl&ct=clnk&gl=nl[/url] --- But back on topic: [img]https://i.imgur.com/MIyXmwn.png[/img] [URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-o9pwWUzz0"]Clicky[/URL]

Anyone know which god I should pray to to avoid getting shot?

If you don't get shot its because of the prayers If you do get shot then its just part of God's plan, he moves in mysterious, violent and confusing ways.

Two hands in action work 100% more than two hands in prayer.

[QUOTE=ThatSwordGuy;53180300]So, God is such an evil cunt that he will let children die if he doesn't get the amount of prayers he wants? What kind of belief system is that? Who would want to believe in such a god?[/QUOTE] just add up all the Xtians, Muslims and Jews in the world, what is that, like 4billion +?

[QUOTE=SKEEA;53180296]Y'know, it's people like this making meme statements that really do no one any good. Jesus. It really confuses me that people legitimately think this way.[/QUOTE] My little brother is the same way, Thinks if everybody went to Church this wouldn't happen. :/ [editline]6th March 2018[/editline] [QUOTE=Headhumpy;53181204]"you didn't pray hard enough or you weren't faithful enough or your children didn't worship god enough or it's all part of god's greater plan"[/QUOTE] "No, see, God killed YOUR kid to convince THEIR kid he needs to go to church! Thanks for the kid BTW lol" [QUOTE=Raidyr;53181297]Anyone know which god I should pray to to avoid getting shot?[/QUOTE] Either all of them or none of them, it's the only way to be sure. No, not even the sun, just none of them at all!

[QUOTE=Raidyr;53181297]Anyone know which god I should pray to to avoid getting shot?[/QUOTE] There are pros and cons to each (but mostly cons): Amaterasu-O-Mi-Kami: Only protects against bladed weapons, not projectiles. Cthulhu: Look, getting shot is better than becoming a cultist for this guy Enki: The only relevant myth is known only from fragments, and it is unclear how it ends. Eru Iluvatar: Really more of a hands-off kind of god. Plus death is the whole "gift to men" thing. Eris: Depends on your specific sub-branch. I'm New Reformed Traditional Unified Modern Discordian, where we believe that the goddess can protect only from guns with neither a folding stock, pistol grip, bayonet mount, threaded barrel nor grenade launcher attachments. Other variations have different but equally correct beliefs. Flying Spaghetti Monster: Unlikely, since pirates often both wielded and were killed by guns. Gun Jesus: Won't protect you, but will tell you lots of interesting facts about whatever gun just shot you. Jehovah: Only gives a shit if you're one of his chosen people Jesus: Kind of a pacifist, so should be anti-gun, but also big on martyrdom so won't actually protect you from bullets Jupiter: see Zeus Khorne: hahahaha no Odin: Unfortunately a big fan of dying in battle, but at least you'll get carried off by valkyries after dying of gunshot wounds Quetzalcoatl: Also a big fan of dying in battle. Not recommended. Satan: can grant +5 against Good-aligned weapons once per day starting at third level. Unfortunately most guns are Chaotic or Lawful. Sol Invictus: Maybe. Vishnu: Actually might be a good idea, in his role as protector and preserver. But might not be motivated to save you, since you'll just reincarnate. Zeus: Worth a shot, but he's more of a "take an animal form and fuck you" type of god

Well of course, they are then even more effective in their sequel, conclusions & prayers. Not to mention the final part of the trilogy, legislation & prayers.

its satire level now

[QUOTE=gman003-main;53181615]There are pros and cons to each (but mostly cons): Amaterasu-O-Mi-Kami: Only protects against bladed weapons, not projectiles. Cthulhu: Look, getting shot is better than becoming a cultist for this guy Enki: The only relevant myth is known only from fragments, and it is unclear how it ends. Eru Iluvatar: Really more of a hands-off kind of god. Plus death is the whole "gift to men" thing. Eris: Depends on your specific sub-branch. I'm New Reformed Traditional Unified Modern Discordian, where we believe that the goddess can protect only from guns with neither a folding stock, pistol grip, bayonet mount, threaded barrel nor grenade launcher attachments. Other variations have different but equally correct beliefs. Flying Spaghetti Monster: Unlikely, since pirates often both wielded and were killed by guns. Gun Jesus: Won't protect you, but will tell you lots of interesting facts about whatever gun just shot you. Jehovah: Only gives a shit if you're one of his chosen people Jesus: Kind of a pacifist, so should be anti-gun, but also big on martyrdom so won't actually protect you from bullets Jupiter: see Zeus Khorne: hahahaha no Odin: Unfortunately a big fan of dying in battle, but at least you'll get carried off by valkyries after dying of gunshot wounds Quetzalcoatl: Also a big fan of dying in battle. Not recommended. Satan: can grant +5 against Good-aligned weapons once per day starting at third level. Unfortunately most guns are Chaotic or Lawful. Sol Invictus: Maybe. Vishnu: Actually might be a good idea, in his role as protector and preserver. But might not be motivated to save you, since you'll just reincarnate. Zeus: Worth a shot, but he's more of a "take an animal form and fuck you" type of god[/QUOTE] That sounds like a fun game and good alternative to Pokemon.

[QUOTE=Rocâ„¢;53182325]That sounds like a fun game and good alternative to Pokemon.[/QUOTE] Dammit, I forgot to include Arceus.

[QUOTE=gman003-main;53182335]Dammit, I forgot to include Arceus.[/QUOTE] Also including Khorne but not the God Emperor himself, shame on you. Although he only protects you if the gun is wielded by Aliens, Illegal or otherwise.

[QUOTE=GabrielWB;53181292][img_thumb]https://i.imgur.com/MIyXmwn.png[/img_thumb][/QUOTE] Imagine how disappointed that person must've been when his life was saved with effort and physical activity...

Kinda reminded of this story [quote] A terrible storm came into a town and local officials sent out an emergency warning that the riverbanks would soon overflow and flood the nearby homes. They ordered everyone in the town to evacuate immediately. A faithful Christian man heard the warning and decided to stay, saying to himself, “I will trust God and if I am in danger, then God will send a divine miracle to save me.” The neighbors came by his house and said to him, “We’re leaving and there is room for you in our car, please come with us!” But the man declined. “I have faith that God will save me.” As the man stood on his porch watching the water rise up the steps, a man in a canoe paddled by and called to him, “Hurry and come into my canoe, the waters are rising quickly!” But the man again said, “No thanks, God will save me.” The floodwaters rose higher pouring water into his living room and the man had to retreat to the second floor. A police motorboat came by and saw him at the window. “We will come up and rescue you!” they shouted. But the man refused, waving them off saying, “Use your time to save someone else! I have faith that God will save me!” The flood waters rose higher and higher and the man had to climb up to his rooftop. A helicopter spotted him and dropped a rope ladder. A rescue officer came down the ladder and pleaded with the man, "Grab my hand and I will pull you up!" But the man STILL refused, folding his arms tightly to his body. “No thank you! God will save me!” Shortly after, the house broke up and the floodwaters swept the man away and he drowned. When in Heaven, the man stood before God and asked, “I put all of my faith in You. Why didn’t You come and save me?” And God said, “Son, I sent you a warning. I sent you a car. I sent you a canoe. I sent you a motorboat. I sent you a helicopter. What more were you looking for?” [/quote] [URL="http://epistle.us/inspiration/godwillsaveme.html"]There are many versions of the same story, I copy/pasted it from here.[/URL]

[QUOTE=LegoGuy;53183588]Kinda reminded of this story [URL="http://epistle.us/inspiration/godwillsaveme.html"]There are many versions of the same story, I copy/pasted it from here.[/URL][/QUOTE] The same person (if saved) would have thanked God for saving him and not the people who helped. Good story though.