Looking for a true pvp+pve server...

Ok, im tired of being KOSed or griefed by the new excuse called Bandits. For me, its just another way for children to justify their a**h*le behaviour. It’s more bullying than PVP to attack freshly spawned people while being fully geared.

So… Ive been on a search, a quest if I may. To find a pvp + pve server. yet many claims this, its really something unheard of. I wish to find a server that has pvp on, but it is only permitted to kill if: In specified area or arena or whilst being raided.
Is this such an uncommon wish?
Let me know what you guys think, if it is something that should be availible and better yet: that you know of one.

On top of the pvp problem its a given that i wish for door sharing, that it is possible to research c4+weapons and i cant care less abt sleeper.

So help this poor maiden in her search! I am so tired of building a castle for nothing, because someone is outside KOSing me constantly.

not a single individual knows of such a server?