Pawns, Episode 1

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Well, editing and posing need some serious work, and to be honest I felt the political criticism a little forced, but I guess that’s what you want to go for. Just work on the former two, particularly editing, and you’ll be set.

I see exactly what you mean. I suppose I wanted to make a quick, light version first of this concept and see if anyone found it worthwhile before getting properly invested in it. I know something like this can be controversial to say the least, so this was a pilot, if you will.

Fair enough. While it’s not my cup of tea, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad or that others won’t like it better. The editing, though, really needs some work, be it either for this series or other stuff you do. There’s no layout, not even borders for panels, and the speechbubbles leave a little to be desired - in fact, they seem to be pre-made somehow, a custom shape or something.

Sorry if I’m sounding overly critical, it’s really not my intention to be an asshole, but if you see the comic I just posted - from 2005, even - you’ll see what I mean. I’d like to see you continue as a comic maker, just with an extra bit of effort thrown in.

Hey, I’m just surprised at your remarkable level of astuteness. The speech-bubble is actually just some brushwork I did, as I constantly scaled it to fit the text. I am very new to making comics and, to be honest, it’s only now in retrospect that I see how it’s very different from mere screenshots.

I clearly released this prematurely, and for that I do apologise.

As for my stylings of satire, well, I grew up with Fry & Laurie, and Blackadder and so on. Political sledgehammer wit is all I know. But in the future I might try to add some more diverse material for more mass-appeal.

I absolutely love it

Really? Wow, this is exciting. I appreciate the support.

It’s not really remarkable, I’ve been doing comics for a few years now and editing’s my speciality. If I couldn’t spot it, now that would be worrying.
That said, I should take the time to make new tutorials for newcomers like yourself so you can have some help out of the gate (but still put your own spin on it, unlike my old tutorial which was basically “Mythos-lite editing”).

The political humor was just too heavy-handed, and besides, it’s a comic made with Garry’s Mod. It’s hard to take it seriously, so taking political stances in one is a bit odd.

In any case, I wish you best of luck for your next attempts. If you need any advice, feel free to PM me or chat with me on Steam, I’d be happy to help you out.

That’s very thoughtful of you. Facepunch has a reputation to live up to it’s name. It’s nice to see people are more welcoming than I was told. I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for tutorials. I’ve done some photoshopping in the past so I can probably cobble together a layout that isn’t a complete eyesore, but it’s always nice to get the practical wisdom from people more experienced.

EDIT:

And, it’s actually not intended to be that political. It’s just that I grew up with a veteran father and his veteran friends, and he was a policeman too so I spent my youth learning about policework and states and so on. A lot of my friends are in the armed forces and my father in-law is even an international war criminal from Southern Asia, had his own Junta and everything. So it’s a theme I’m familiar with, is all.

Brilliant. The editing and effects etc are amazing, too. Really funny and well done. I’d definitely want to see more.

Well, you need to work on your posing and do a little editing, a good start would be putting the images on a big layout.

I like your ideas though, you definitely shouldn’t stop.

It’s like if 1984 was written by Frankie Boyle… Different, and slightly random, but definitely in a good way! :slight_smile:

Regarding layout/editing; giving the frames some outline and a little bit of space between them would look a lot neater. Also, I found they were slightly too wide to fit on my screen - although that could just be me and my rather dated laptop!

I don’t have much to add that hasn’t already been said, but I think the sheer volume of content you produced is commendable. I did NOT expect the comic to be so incredibly long (and that’s a good thing!). As you’re probably now aware, you have a good bit practice and refinement to do, but frankly if you can keep yourself producing comics and screenshots and whatnot of this ambition, and challenging yourself all the way, I think you’ll find yourself growing in leaps and bounds. All the best to you.

Thanks, everyone. Sorry if I didn’t seem very responsive. I’ve been doing things.

Hm, those italics look worrisome…

Oh, well, I’m also halfway done with the editing for my next issue. I’d show off the first page, but it would give the wrong impression since it looks incredibly uncreative. It had to look that way due to how the content was added, but the others look very different. I drew some inspiration from the comic book-related things in my childhood. Hopefully it will provide results.

EDIT:

Pah, so what if it looks a bit stale? It’s still miles from the rubbish I milled out in this first one.
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That’s certainly a big improvement, visually. You don’t necessarily need that much white space or to split the comic by pages (although I do; just saying, it’s not a requirement if you find ‘infinite canvas’ more practical), but it works fine. The switch to subtitles is a little jarring considering you used speech bubbles in the first issue, dunno if it’s just for the TV scene or if you’re keeping it up, but it works fine.

Congratulations on the fast improvement, looking forward to seeing more from you.

“You, why did you join the government?”

“Uuh, because I forgot what they did to my people just 50 years ago?!”

The plot is quite rich with a lot of nice intellectual references and modern political stereotypes.

Carry on.

By the way, when you do borders. Try to keep them thin.

To be honest, Mythos, I checked out a couple of comics and I realised the speech bubble was not as obligatory as I thought. It’s unwieldy, it blocks part of the frame, it’s just a hassle in general. I was glad I could get rid of it.

And I appreciate your kind words, Crazy Knife. Sadly I am way in on the layout to change it for this issue, but I’ll certainly thin them in the next one. Thanks for the tip.

pretends there isn’t a jar of Nescafe in the kitchen

Massive improvement visually. The subtitles work for the TV bit, but if it was characters speaking I think speech bubbles would be a lot clearer. Keep it up; I’m looking forward to the next episode!

They are more visually appealing, more professional and make it easier to follow dialogue. Good luck not screwing up with subtitles in scenes with 2 and more people talking.

Anyway, it’s your comic so you do whatever you want, but to be honest I find it hard to respect lack of speech balloons. It’s just people being too lazy to do the basic levels of comic making quality, in my honest opinion. That said, again, it’s your comic and you do whatever you want.

[editline]meanwhile…[/editline]

As part of my GMod comics site’s effort to spotlight the community’s efforts to make more comics, I’ve made a post mentioning Pawns Episode 1. Given that it was the sole comic release last week (as far as I noticed - if there were more, sorry, lemme know!), you basically get an exclusive post for your pilot episode! Congratulations!

Wow, really? That’s amazing. I owe you a massive thanks.

Shit, I’ll work in some of those bloody speech bubbles if you’d go through the effort of such a favour.

The new issue is taking a while, probably a few more days. Got this test on ancient Norse languages at school, but I am doing my best.