RIPOFF ADVENTURE- blooregardo's odyssey

/* This is in the same format as 5omeone’s hugely successful “AWESOME ADVENTURE - Ronald and the Unknown” It is not a comic, but it follows the story of a protagonist taking suggestions from facepunch users */

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The gentle dance music over the speakers is a soothing to my aching eardrums.
One day blurring into the next, spaced in equal increments by drug highs like inch marks on a ruler. Coming back night after lonely night to nightclub after sleazy nightclub in city after wretched city.

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I can’t keep living like this. I need to make a change in my life. Tonight. Right here. Right now.

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And just then, the sound of opportunity jolts me awake.
"Would you like something to drink with that, sir?"

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The waiter may as well have been asking me to be his best man at his wedding, or the godfather of his firstborn son. This could be the most important question in my life.

This is the chance I’ve been waiting for. Let this descision be the first milestone in my new life.Whatever choice I make here and now will open a new world, a new path for me to follow in life.

And so, facepunch, I ask you, do I want anything to drink with that?

How about the compressed soul of a child.

Or you could have some Budweiser.

Perhaps order some Sex on the Beach.

It looks like someone’s already drinking you.

magnum in a brown bag

Have some of my sweat.

Put on your cool face then get the fuck out of there.

Hes not in a car.

breen looks like he’s being blowjobed under the table

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My driver’s license has been scanned, and I am officially no longer welcome at this restaurant chain.

We’re off to a good start. What next, facepunch?

Ask the bum for change.

steal that atm machine

Smack that bum with the ATM.

steal the bum

:eng101: Fixed!

Tell the bum, you’re going to give him money, if he walks into the restaurant and asks for Olav Myfriendsaregay. Run away, before he comes back.

Take the bum’s prosphetic leg and use it to kill EVERYONE in the restaurant.

Insert the bum into the mailbox.

Mail it to Australia.

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"Excuse me sir, would you happen to have–"

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He seems agitated. I think I’ll leave him alone.

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Any other ideas?