The worst day ever in the zone.

So I gotta tell you guys, I’m pretty bummed. Just played stalker and some two cool bandits I was chatting with were decimated.

So I’m chilling out in the cordon, bein’ smug and all enjoying a ham and cheese sandwich in my super awesome exo suit. Life is great. Over 100,000 rubles, awesome artifacts, and enough ammo to supply a militant third world country.

Well, out of the bushes these two bandits come running and gunning into the air above me. Naturally I was like “Meh. Bandits. Thier aim is terrible and my awesome exo suit can take their puny little guns bullets.”

So I said to them “Yo. Guys, I’m enjoying a ham and cheese sandwich. What are you shooting at anyways?” Well the one I presumed to be retarded points up above me-

-promptly letting me know that they had shot a snork, just as it fell on my fucking head.

So in a fit of sandwich deprived rage, I threw the body off of me and scolded them.

I was like “Dudes. I was enjoying a truly awesome fucking sandwich. Why’d you do that?”

So they said “Sorry about that bro. We just saw you chillin’ with your sandwich and exo suit, and noticed the snork above you. Naturally, we just shot at it. Sorry man…”

At this point I felt like a complete dick for yelling at them and told them “Hey, hey, it’s no problem. Sorry for yelling at you.”

Anyhow, after a few apologies, I offered them two more sandwiches I had in my backpack. We talked for a while about cashed helicopters and life in the zone. It was nice.

Well, way off in the distance, some cock-head was like “Dude, I hear bandits eating ham and cheese sandwiches. That’s totally not cool.”

So the cockbite ran like fucking lightning our way. Bowling over any mutant that got in his way.

Over the hill he comes. Dragging every fucking bloodsucker he could knock into on the way (Along with some French guy)

So he whips out (I shit you not) a fucking gauss rifle (No way he went toe to toe with monolith) from which I presumed the guy had stuffed in boxers to make other rookies jealous.

He blasts in every direction possible (His aim was far worse than the bandits) and yet he managed to nail the two bandits I was talking to. This was heartbreaking for me. Two awesome bandits that just wanted to shoot the breeze and enjoy some food were killed right in front of me.

So he comes sliding down the hill all happy and shit. Walks up to me and says “Hey bro.” Bro he calls me… shot two people I just became friends with and calls me bro.

I noticed out the corner of my eye, he was bending down. “No fucking way I thought to myself.”

He picks up one of the sandwiches, and begins talking like nothing happened. In my mind I was refraining from going blowout on his ass.

That’s when he did it. He was moving the sandwich slowly towards his mouth. "Fuck no, fuck no, AW HELL NAW!" I shouted in my mind.

He took a fucking bite.

That was the final straw. I heaved up the dead French guy’s body and raised him above my head. The last words ever from that dick-heads mouth were “So what’s up bro?”

After a few minutes of screaming and bludgeoning with a corpse. He was dead. This was the worst day of my Stalking career. The zone moves in many mysterious ways. In all of my years, she had not gone against me nor shown and disdain to me being here. We worked together and lived together, but today… she had different plans. In a single day, nay an hour, I managed to lose two newly made friends, a sandwich…

  • and my hands reeked of a dead French man. Fuck you Zone.

So yeah. That’s my story of the worst day ever in the zone.

(Take this any of this as serious work and I’ll bludgeon you with a dead Frenchman as well :v:)

I like the part where his gun looked like some kind of penis cage


The Zone can be a bitch sometimes.

Rated F.U.N.N.Y.

wow that was absurdly funny

i lold

That got all the lols outta me thanks BRO!

That was some funny as hell but:

Almost made me fall out of my chair.

He took a fucking bite.
Hilarious. :v:

That was pretty much fun to read.


Wow, I lost it at “He took a fucking bite” it was too funny, what map did you use by the way?



Hearts to everyone for the positive feedback.

I shit you not, that was absolutely amazing. Sums up STALKER quite nicely. That was certainly one of the better things I think I’ll ever look at in this section. Very original (even though it was based on something that happened), great posing and editing, excellent narration and story…all around awesome! Keep it up, we need more content like this!

“Over the hill he comes, dragging every F’ing bloodsucker he could knock into along the way (along with some French guy)”

This was just plain awesome. :v:

Edit: I’ve never been able to find the bandits and the loner you used. Where’d you get 'em?

Loved it, especially the part about the dragging French guy.

They came from the HGN SRP megapack. Unfortunately, I have no idea as to where you can find a link. They’re terrible at keeping an open place for their DL’s (And updating for that matter)

Hahahaha fucking awesome.

i lol’d


awesome! hope to see more of this from you