Loading Average Joe: Disc One…
You are GOD. You are best known for CREATING the KNOWN UNIVERSE, amongst OTHER THINGS. You reside in a farther plane of the UNKNOWN UNIVERSE. You’re told that this plane is known by inhabitants of the KNOWN UNIVERSE as HEAVEN. You can’t imagine why, it’s DREADFULLY BORING.
Despite your OMNIPOTENCE, you occasionally get BORED and engage in WACKY HIJINKS. Why, the last time you got BORED, you made FROGS fall from the sky and presented a PAIR OF ROCKS inscribed with A TEN POINT CONSTITUTION FOR MORAL BEHAVIOR to a BEARDED FELLOW, and a bit after that you FUCKED a MARRIED WOMAN. But enough about that.
The fact is that on this lovely purple day in the UNKNOWN UNIVERSE, you are, for the second time in 2000 years, BORED. You produce your CELESTIAL DATAPAD and decide to travel to your prized creation, EARTH.
You warp to the MILKY WAY, resting place of EARTH. It is truly magnificent. You haven’t visited or even looked at it in a while, but from what you can remember, it is a lovely place full of LUSH FORESTS and EXOTIC CREATURES. There’s none of that in the UNKNOWN UNIVERSE. You’ll only find that stuff on EARTH.
As the saying goes, or so you’re told, ROME wasn’t built in a DAY. EARTH took quite a few tries to get right. You’ve got a veritable ASTROLOGICAL GRAVEYARD floating around the UNIVERSE. You only worked for just a few hours on most of the other worlds, but you stayed up for SIX DAYS straight when you made EARTH. You’re very proud of it, indeed. It’s the ENVY of all the other UNKNOWN UNIVERSE INHABITANTS, especially that sonufabitch VISHNU.
You zoom in on EARTH to see how time has treated it.
You’ve arrived in a CITY of some sort. You’re not quite sure how it got there. It’s made of IRON and PROCESSED STONE. You don’t remember PROCESSING any STONE the last time you visited. You decide to fly in to one of these BUILDINGS to inspect the LIFESTYLE of an AVERAGE HUMAN. AVERAGE HUMANS, or so you’re told, are vile creatures, hell bent on destroying EARTH just to accrue RESOURCES such as PROCESSED STONE in order to make their lives easier. That VERITABLY SICKENS you.
What have we here? A team of HEAVILY ARMED COMMANDOS breaching a HEAVILY UNARMED SCIENTIFIC FACILITY? You’re not sure how they got there. You don’t remember HEAVILY ARMING any COMMANDOS last time you were here, much less allowing them to form TEAMS. In any case, these HUMANS are far from AVERAGE. You decide to keep looking.
You find a INEPT LABORATORY ASSITANT ready to GIVE UP on whatever it is he is WORKING ON. You decide to become him for the time being.
You are now CARL FAYESWORTH. You’re an AVERAGE HUMAN in the employ of BELLSUMMER SCIENTIFIC, a TECHNOLOGY ADVANCEMENT RESEARCH CENTER. You had been trying to PERFECT a SCIENTIFIC DEVICE but because of your UTTER MEDIOCRITY, you’ve been failing entirely. In fact, you can’t even remember what this DEVICE is supposed to do. You decide to PRAY; even though you consider yourself ** ATHEIST**, you’re on the END of your ROPE. You ask GOD,
“God, what the Hell is this thing even supposed to do?”
Well, what the Hell is that thing supposed to do?